Epic Philosophical Debates of History

Hegel was a flat, witless, disgusting-revolting, ignorant charlatan who, with unexampled impudence, kept scribbling insanity and nonsense that was trumpeted as immortal wisdom by his venal adherents and actually taken for that by dolts, which gave rise to such a complete chorus of admiration as had never been heard before.

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What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little intuitionist? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the seminary and I’ve been involved in numerous secret readings of Plato, and I have over 300 confirmed histories. I am trained in pure idealism and I’m the top dialectician in the entire Prussian reich. You are nothing to me but just another spirit, I will sublate you the fuck out with reason the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me in metaphor? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of historians across Prussia and your footnotes are being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that negates the pathetic little thing you call your self. You’re fucking history, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can sublate you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my first book. Not only am I extensively trained in undirected dialectics, but I have access to the entire corpus of western philosophy and I will use it to its full extent to show your miserable ass how unimportant you are, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” philosophy was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit reason all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking negated, kiddo.

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