You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
towns that are just a restaurant, a church, and a block of houses
The Amish being stuck behind The Amish in traffic people being unreasonably cruel to The Amish
Ohio, as far as state reputations in other states go, is to Pennsylvanians sort of like Pennsylvania but less so. Cleveland is Pittsburgh but less so, the dumb Republican suburbs there are like milder, WASPier versions of Pennsyltucky, and so forth.
if you grow up here you will come to one of three different conclusions
* you decide there are too few people and you move to New York
* you like it ok so you stay
* you decide there are too many, you move to Alaska
Wisconsin is like Minnesota except without the artsiness of the twin cities and absolutely astounding amounts of drunk driving
we talk shit because deep down we are jealous of the fact that the all you can drink milk booth at the Wisconsin state fair has a wider variety of flavors
The only reasons why Philadelphia has buildings taller than the William Penn statue on City Hall are that Comcast is terrible and the city council really wanted us to look more like New York for some reason. Which is stupid.
Also, Baltimore and we are city-bros, and Camden is right across the river and is basically Philly with an aquarium and more murder.
New York City is cool if too huge to explore easily; Poughkeepsie is cute; and the rest of the state is mostly farms. I mean, Ithaca has a town around it, and Buffalo and Albany and Niagara exist, but farm farm farm.
my thoughts on new york is that new york street style photos bore the fucking crap out of me wow you have a leather jacket and a supreme bogo hoodie and some saint laurent jeans and some yeezy boosts go fuck yourselves you dribbling bougie hypebeasts with no sense of personal style
also ive unilaterally decided that their pizza is shit and that deep dish is better, just because Jon Stewart is an unfunny asshole
this all generally ties into the fact that New York is the most played out city period
New York is kinda overrated culturally speaking, but it is such a large city that it has a lot going on in it and the percentage of cool things happening is reasonably high so I can't be too down on it.
I always thought Wisconsin was Minnesota with more beer and less clarity
Clarity?
The purity of the Twin Cities. The cleanness. The crispness.
So they walk again, quickening their pace, and cross Calhoun Parkway, dead of traffic. Along the iced bank they see hundreds of geese. Some sit up on shore stabbing at the brown grass. Others pump along in the freezing surface while still more set their wings and tilt in with a splash. Mallards skitter over the water to get out of the way. Simon and T-Man walk up to the shore. The geese part and close in behind them. A couple jog by on the path, eyeing the geese and Simon and T-Man as they try not to step in the scattered goose shit. “They’re bigger than they look,” says T-Man, squinting at a gander beating his wings against his breast and shaking them back into place again. “Hey goose,” he says. He takes a half-step toward the gander. The goose pushes his chest out and rushes toward T-Man. “Whoa! Whoa! Mean fuckers, too!” The gander backs away and starts combing the ground with his beak for food invisible to Simon and T-Man. “Yeah,” says Simon, “and messy.” The shore is slicked solid with goose dung. “You know how to cook one of these things?” asks T-Man. “Sure,” says Simon. “Rip off their feathers, throw them in an over and turn it on.” “Let’s kill one,” says T-Man. “How?” “Strangle him. Can’t be that hard. Looks like they only weigh about twenty-five. You’re all of two hundred.” Simon looks over the gathered geese and shivers into his collar. His feet hurt and snot drains slowly from his nose onto his upper lip. He shrugs his shoulders. “Come on, Simon. All this food … just sittin here. Just reach out and grab his neck and twist his fuckin head off.” Simon looks at the feathered chaos around them; the geese strutting and fighting, shooting their beaks like bullets at the mallards, picking at food dropped by park-goers. One goose has a hot dog bun clenched in his beak and tries to hiss at the other geese who are closing in. The bun is too big and he drops it to the ground where the rest of the geese peck it to pieces.
New York is kinda overrated culturally speaking, but it is such a large city that it has a lot going on in it and the percentage of cool things happening is reasonably high so I can't be too down on it.
I can name several actual people who I like who live in New York and that doesn't actually change my opinion of the place to any significant degree. Although I can understand thinking of it as a cool bonus if you live there. But, like, there are cool people in Omaha and Shreveport, too.
I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
did it smell bad?
(an addition to the "pokey old cowtown" thing: shortly after mother moved here, there was Amendment 2, which got the state nationally dubbed "the hate state")
I had pizza in NYC once, and I thought it was kind of gross, but then I'm used to delivery pizza and the local and regional shops around here. (Gee, I'm such a Philistine!)
You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
Ohio, as far as state reputations in other states go, is to Pennsylvanians sort of like Pennsylvania but less so. Cleveland is Pittsburgh but less so, the dumb Republican suburbs there are like milder, WASPier versions of Pennsyltucky, and so forth.
We get the culture of Pennsyltucky and the climate of the Great Lakes. The worst of both worlds! :P
Comments
(The other Jane)
places where most things close later, e.g. the U District; Capitol Hill, Seattle
Not that anyone ever obeys or enforces that law.
if you grow up here you will come to one of three different conclusions
* you decide there are too few people and you move to New York
* you like it ok so you stay
* you decide there are too many, you move to Alaska
Wisconsin is like Minnesota except without the artsiness of the twin cities and absolutely astounding amounts of drunk driving
we talk shit because deep down we are jealous of the fact that the all you can drink milk booth at the Wisconsin state fair has a wider variety of flavors
Also, Baltimore and we are city-bros, and Camden is right across the river and is basically Philly with an aquarium and more murder.
Clarity?
...?
also ive unilaterally decided that their pizza is shit and that deep dish is better, just because Jon Stewart is an unfunny asshole
this all generally ties into the fact that New York is the most played out city period
I can name several actual people who I like who live in New York and that doesn't actually change my opinion of the place to any significant degree. Although I can understand thinking of it as a cool bonus if you live there. But, like, there are cool people in Omaha and Shreveport, too.
AU, you got any #JustDenverThings for us?
^ It is worth at least one visit. Preferably at least two days.
And yeah, you should get out more. It's pretty fun, even if where you live isn't crazy exciting.
^ Why you quotin' yourself?
This really isn't the topic for this, I don't think.