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Manly McMacho · 2012-01-26 04:09:54

(Keeping you updated on the heapiest heapy heaperings heapers could ever hope to heap. This is H.E.A.P. Channel heap news.) Good morning, I'm vociferousMasochist. Topping out news, early this morning, police were alerted to the Trash Heap jail, where a notorious criminal, [NAME DELETED] has escaped. Police are currently searching for [NAME DELETED], and are warning everyone to be on the lookout for a shady looking man with pink hair, a "HEAP LYFE" tattoo across his chest and a giant peppermint candy serving as a glass eye, hidden beneath a chartreuse eyepatch placed over his right eye socket. If you see this man, call your local authorities immediately. And now we go to [INSERT NAME HERE] for the weather!

Gelzo · 2012-01-26 05:14:05

IS GON RAIN

Ace Rimmer · 2012-01-26 05:18:33

And now for H.E.A.P sports:

There was an upset in the CFL when Mounties beat the Rockies by a Rouge. Everpool beat City Manchester in the Alcoholics Cup and Brett Farve shocked everyone by staying retired.

Manly McMacho · 2012-01-26 05:27:35

Thank you, Whale.

This just in, a series of riots have popped up in downtown Canada Heap, presumably due to the recent upset over the results of the latest sports match ups. We now go to [INSERT NAME HERE] for more on the subject.

Justice4243 · 2012-01-26 14:18:03

Oh, man...it's just chaos here! UDDER Chaos. As in some one let loose a heard of cows, chaos.

People are breaking into shops, left in right.

All the book stores and libraries have been cleaned right out.

Someone even filled a NEWS van to the brim with Plasma screen TVs.

*looks behind him, slowly closes back of news van*

No telling when the riots well let up, there's still lots of things to stea...I MEAN people on the street just livid about the latest developments.

Imipolex G · 2012-01-26 14:32:08

Udder chaos, hm?

The Sacred Chao

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