??? (Confused Matthew)

Calica · 2015-07-06 07:46:53

[edited the title because it was confusing Vanilla... -lee]

lee4hmz · 2015-07-06 07:53:12

??? !!!

Section42L · 2015-07-06 08:03:15

One-Winged Eagle · 2015-07-06 08:06:26

Maybe you should learn some fucking thing then, Matthew.

Tre · 2015-07-06 09:26:02

wow Mach r00d

Tachyon · 2015-07-06 09:40:01

rude, but fair

PatchAwful · 2015-07-06 15:20:37

A friend of Doubting Thomas?

glennmagusharvey · 2015-07-07 00:08:12

http://www.mariowiki.com/Toadstool's_???

Odradek · 2015-07-07 01:58:30

True Art Is Incomprehensible:

Clearly his single biggest pet peeve. Two of his three loudest angriest reviews have been about this attitude or its variations.
He's not a huge fan of things that would be covered under What Do You Mean, It's Not Didactic? or Everyone Is Jesus in Purgatory. He generally rejects the idea that a movie has any meaning other than what is obviously presented. If the movie has to be heavily analysed to grasp some meaning, then he feels that the meaning is likely just made up.

Odradek · 2015-07-07 01:59:05

Small Name, Big Ego: Confused Matthew got considerable backlash for attacking Roger Ebert and claiming he was either an idiot or a liar for recommending Minority Report. And for attacking Stanley Kubrick in his review of Two Thousand One A Space Odyssey. He did later apologize for and remove the Minority Report review, believing that he spent more time bashing Ebert than actually reviewing the movie and vowed to do it again properly.

Odradek · 2015-07-07 01:59:53

Matthew isn't a huge fan of both the movies and the ideas of Terry Gilliam, as can be seen in his Twelve Monkeys review and in Terry Gilliam: A Smug Odyssey. However, he spoke rather favourably of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, and his enthusiasm for Brazil prompted him to end his review by saying:

Confused Matthew: I highly recommend it to anyone interested in the artistic and the weird... and to Terry Gilliam: I'm sorry I told you to fuck yourself in the neck.

Odradek · 2015-07-07 02:00:17

Le Film Artistique: He despise these kinds of films, and spoofed it with Purple Monkey Dishwasher, which is just two hours of nothing but a picture of a guy sitting in a chair.

Salix Babylonika · 2015-07-07 02:01:02

I kinda feel like Yet Another Youtube Culture Critic Baffled By Professionals is not really worth this level of scorn.

If only because it will expose him to more people.

Odradek · 2015-07-07 02:01:11

Fauxlosophic Narration: Matthew is a philosophy student and put his education to use picking apart the second and third Matrix movies to demonstrate that they fit this trope. Especially Neo's conversations with the Oracle and the Architect.

Odradek · 2015-07-07 02:01:42

Darkness-Induced Audience Apathy : His main issue with The Incredibles, despite this being far from a standard viewpoint of the film.

Obā-san · 2015-07-07 02:03:19

ITT: Odradek successfully proves that eugenics is imperative

Odradek · 2015-07-07 02:05:28

His review of Two Thousand Ten The Year We Make Contact had him referencing back his review of Two Thousand One A Space Odyssey and his anger at the many scenes where there was nothing but very long shots of landscape, and characters with no arc so he expects the same from this film. Cue the first scene with Heywood Floyd (Roy Scheider) and Dimitri Moiseievich (Dana Elcar) talking about personal details (like Dimitri having asthma), some small talk about the state of the world (the still-running Cold War of the setting apparently about to run hot) and an informal debriefing of the Discovery's mission (which apparent failure Floyd was turned into the Fall Guy of and got him kicked out of NASA, turning the mission into his personal My Greatest Second Chance). Again, this happens in the very first scene, and this actually stuns Matthew into silence for a moment.

Matthew: INFORMATION!!! PRECIOUS, GLORIOUS INFORMATION!!!

Odradek · 2015-07-07 02:05:50

The Running Gag Broken Record description of the absurdly long shots on Two Thousand One A Space Odyssey ("Landscape", "They are going to The Moon", etc), complete with him telling the audience that he will stop when the film stops, to punctuate how annoying these shots are to him. He repeats this Running Gag on his review of No Country for Old Men.

lee4hmz · 2015-07-07 02:10:10

This Matthew guy sounds like he'd be a real blast at parties. :P

Odradek · 2015-07-07 02:12:40

Bias Steamroller: He does NOT like the Marvel Cinematic Universe at all.

Nevermind, this guy is smart and good

Odradek · 2015-07-07 02:19:09

Planet Jane said:
I kinda feel like Yet Another Youtube Culture Critic Baffled By Professionals is not really worth this level of scorn.

If only because it will expose him to more people.

I'd be for this, but it's not like we're going to contribute to his views.

I mean there are like, four people here who watch internet critics?

Calica · 2015-07-07 02:19:42

I just had this image in my imgur for some reason and it's so fuckin' ridiculous

Salix Babylonika · 2015-07-07 02:21:23

Odradek said:

Planet Jane said:
I kinda feel like Yet Another Youtube Culture Critic Baffled By Professionals is not really worth this level of scorn.

If only because it will expose him to more people.
I'd be for this, but it's not like we're going to contribute to his views.

I mean there are like, four people here who watch internet critics?

well that's kind of my point. I don't see why we're talking about it.

Haven · 2015-07-07 02:41:30

Odradek · 2015-07-07 19:41:58

Confuzzled Bartholomew

Yarrun XIX · 2015-07-07 20:58:41

Oh dear

Who actually tries to piece together the philosophy of a Wachovski film?

Odradek · 2015-07-07 21:02:46

The truth is that all fiction philosophy is gob-smackingly dumb as philosophy.

Calica · 2015-07-07 21:04:51

the matrix is the parable of the cave, right

Odradek · 2015-07-07 21:08:34

the matrix is the parable of the cave, right

Yes, with some Baudrillard stuff here and there.

It's mostly endearing in a Metal Gear way, as opposed to something like Waking Life, which is fucking insulting.

Obā-san · 2015-07-07 22:05:42

Odradek · 2015-07-07 22:07:47

Best video on YouTube

Tachyon · 2015-07-07 22:09:33

Odradek said:
The truth is that all fiction philosophy is gob-smackingly dumb as philosophy.

Why do you think this is?

Calica · 2015-07-07 22:12:25

ft. David Duchovney

Tachyon · 2015-07-07 22:52:14

also i'm currently reading Elizabeth Costello by J.M. Coetzee, which sunn wolf recommended me

it engages with philosophy in places and so far i don't think it's bad

Odradek · 2015-07-07 22:55:51

I'm mostly saying that nerds get irrationally angry at works of fiction that they feel to be wasting their time with bad philosophy, but what they prefer is often just as bad.

Tachyon · 2015-07-07 22:59:33

oh, right

Odradek · 2015-07-24 20:21:17

Confused Matthew is a web critic. He delivers his reviews in a slide show format. This minimalistic format may be boring, but it is practical as it not only ties into the "Talk is cheap, art is priceless" motto all reviewers should take to heart, but his anti masturbatory fluff motif with his vendetta against movies that get greenlit when they should not have.

Confession time.

I thought The Matrix trilogy as a whole was deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. Matthew, who is an actual Philosophy major, gave a crash course in "obscurantism."

I thought Saw was scary and deep. I thought Jigsaw as a well intentioned extremist type anti villain. I even bought into the "he's not technically a killer" statement. Matthew gave me a crash course in law.

I'm an anime fan. Being a fan of classic 16 bit-32 bit era video games, I'm all over those over the top tropes. I was also led to believe that Miyazaki was an animation god. Matthew deconstructed Spirited Away as obscurantist trash with zero plot and weak characters with stilted dialogue in a world not well defined. "Like all other anime ever made." Matthew gives a simple reason for his detesting of anime. "It's stupid, it's stupid. I hate it I hate it." Which is not far off. Most anime is misogynistic in its unrealistic portrayals of women. And Giant robots can be brought down with Square Cube Law. There is only one anime Matthew likes... Ironically, it's Lucky Star. Either it is the shining beacon of world building and deep characterization in an obscurantist, fan pandering cesspool... Or girlfriend(I'll explain in the comments.)

I thought Minority Report was an intelligent film. Matthew made Ebert and Speilberg his bitches.

Confused Matthew isn't perfect. He's not the best comedian, and sometimes his logic falters... *Avatar* *Cough* He is also slow on updates, but he is always insightful and knows his tropes.

If you want to laugh at bad movies that you are already pre-conditioned into hating, watch the TGWTG circle jerk. If you want to be challenged with critical thinking, watch Confused Matthew. Definately check out earlier youtube reviews. Those are the best and are very short and to the point. He is not egotistical as these other tropers are painting him. He is very humble, and shy. His beef is with the movies, not the fans.

Tachyon · 2015-07-24 20:22:59

Odradek said:
I'm an anime fan. Being a fan of classic 16 bit-32 bit era video games, I'm all over those over the top tropes. I was also led to believe that Miyazaki was an animation god. Matthew deconstructed Spirited Away as obscurantist trash with zero plot and weak characters with stilted dialogue in a world not well defined. "Like all other anime ever made." Matthew gives a simple reason for his detesting of anime. "It's stupid, it's stupid. I hate it I hate it." Which is not far off. Most anime is misogynistic in its unrealistic portrayals of women. And Giant robots can be brought down with Square Cube Law. There is only one anime Matthew likes... Ironically, it's Lucky Star. Either it is the shining beacon of world building and deep characterization in an obscurantist, fan pandering cesspool... Or girlfriend(I'll explain in the comments.)

oh dear

Odradek · 2015-07-24 20:24:04

That was by Chickenzhit, who I was always pretty sure was a troll, but I could never convince the mods to do anything about.

Calica · 2015-07-24 20:37:23

he really liked the word obscurantist

Odradek · 2015-07-24 20:39:26

Calica said:
he really liked the word obscurantist

90% chance Confused Matthew is a Sam Harris fan.

Yarrun XIX · 2015-07-24 20:42:20

Who the hell watches Miyazaki for plot coherence? 50% of Ghilbi's output is magic realistic. It's like bringing scientists in to dissect the Little Mermaid

Odradek · 2015-07-24 20:43:31

Who the hell watches Miyazaki for plot coherence? 50% of Ghilbi's output is magic realistic. It's like bringing scientists in to dissect the Little Mermaid

glennmagusharvey · 2015-07-24 20:52:05

I am about to hurt myself in my own confusion induced by reading this thread.

Tachyon · 2015-07-24 20:53:42

. . . did we really go this long talking about Confused Matthew without making that joke?

Odradek · 2015-07-24 20:53:54

@gibberingtroper

That's exactly my point. As Penn & Teller would usually point out, the things these Hollywood producers, writers, and directors do is the common magician's trick of misdirection. To be able to properly criticize movies we need to have an analytical mind, which uses logic, and of course, logic conflicts with emotion. Because of that, movies can emotionally manipulate people into accepting things that should have broken our willing suspension of disbelief.

"It's not bad... Not as long as you don't think about it too hard." That, is the usual excuse to not analyze and deconstruct a movie for what it is, and there by, letting these movies pass.

I have found this misdirection very harmful to me and other audiences over the years. It turns audiences into "Deer" and movies into "headlights." Twenty minutes into the future, and our next Oscar winner will be, "A Sparkly Crystal That We Are Going To Put in Front of Your Face For an Hour In 3D."

And even worse, sometimes movies will claim to offering you philosophical conundrums when they really aren't. Enter Matthew's crash course in obscurantism: "To ask what this means, is to miss the point. The point is to hit you over the head with useless jargon until you accept that you are in the presence of a deep and intellectual mind."

In other words, movies like The Matrix sequels will act like they know philosophy when they really don't, but dangerously, they'll make audiences think they do. Other movies like this are "Waking Life" (which Matthew has reviewed) and "What the Bleep Do We Know?" (which Matthew hasn't reviewed... yet).

And this is also why I'm upset that certain requester demanded Matthew not to review "Ghost in the Shell." Now, I liked Ghost in the Shell, likewise, I thought it looked cool and the soundtrack was euphoric. However, I never really understood the plot from what I remember from it, and surprise, surprise! None of the other people I talked to got it either. Same with Akira. I suspect it was one of those obscurantist movies. Yet, it was and still is being heralded as the pinnacle of Japanese animation along with Akira. If it was obscurantist, than indeed, it was another one of those movies that did not deserve the endless praise it got. It would have been another lesson to us anime fans that we need to get priorities straight and not just believe a movie to be intelligent just because it didn't make sense to us.

Like you said, I don't trust writers anymore, I don't trust producers anymore, I don't mainstream critics anymore, and I definitely don't trust the Oscars anymore.

That is also why I defend Matthew's "cheap production values/slide show project format."

In the same way Maddox's plain, black, web 1.0 page is a take that against all the glossed up bullshit in the world. Matthew's stylistic suck is a deliberate attack against movies that hide their weak writing with all star casts, mesmerizing soundtracks, quality animation, and/or special fx. It is blunt, honest, and "pure" criticism.

@eveil

That's the spirit! Welp, as long as you know they are bad. I still think the fights in the Matrix were pretty tight. As for Saw, well, at least comes to morbid curiosity, but nowadays I mostly just watch clips of it.

I'm still an anime fan. Still love girls in sailor fuku and giant mechs. Miyazaki is indeed a great animator, but I'm beginning to doubt his storytelling capabilities. Spirited Away's animation and soundtrack makes me cry, but the movie makes me cry for a different reasoning considering how little movie makers think of the audience.

Closing this long arduous comment, I'll say before I found Confused Matthew, I was a fool.

Now, I still am a fool, but at least I'm more self aware.

By the way, did I mention George Carlin was my favorite comedian? http://www.myspace.com/confusedmatthew/blog

Another score for Matthew!

Tachyon · 2015-07-24 20:55:53

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Obā-san · 2015-07-24 20:56:33

Tachyon said:
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Salix Babylonika · 2015-07-24 20:57:03

naney said:

Tachyon said:
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Klinotaxis · 2015-07-24 21:06:55

Yarrun XIX said:
Who the hell watches Miyazaki for plot coherence? 50% of Ghilbi's output is magic realistic. It's like bringing scientists in to dissect the Little Mermaid

"The Resurrectionist" was actually pretty good

lee4hmz · 2015-07-25 04:00:23

Tachyon said:
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

??? (Confused Matthew)

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