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Undercover Princess: The Adventure of Ellen Smithee

Princess AlicePrincess Alice
in Roleplay & Games
Or, what happens when Princess Alice swaps out her dress and crown for a flannel shirt and jeans and pretends to be a regular student at the University of Centralia!

Right now I'm on my way from Queen City to the UCen main campus in Colerain, in a nondescript little compact car I "borrowed" from the palace garage. ^_^

Comments

  • Princess AlicePrincess Alice
    You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
    (Blue lights flash behind me as I get onto the freeway.)

    ME: Oh boy, here we go.

    (The policeman gets out of his car and approaches mine.)

    CONSTABLE: Good morning.

    ME: Good morning, Constable.

    CONSTABLE: I'm sure you know why I stopped you.

    ME: I...don't actually.

    CONSTABLE: You're driving with no license plates!

    ME: License plates...I knew I forgot something.

    CONSTABLE: How do you "forget" license plates?

    ME: It's a long story.

    CONSTABLE: *writing on a pad* The courts have plenty of time. Can I get your driver's license?

    (I pass him "Ellen's" license. He thanks me and takes it back to the car. After a few moments, he returns.)

    CONSTABLE: Well, Ms. Smithee...May I call you Ellen?

    ME: Ms. Smithee, please.

    CONSTABLE: Well, Ms. Smithee, your license checks out, so I'm just gonna take down your VIN and if your registration comes back clean I'll issue a warning for the plates and you'll be on your way.

    ME: Thanks.

    (The Constable goes back to his car, this time a little bit longer. After what seems like ages, another police car pulls up and a second constable gets out. They approach the car together, the first officer still doing the speaking.)

    CONSTABLE: Ms. Smithee, are you a government employee?

    ME: In...a manner of speaking, yes.

    SECOND CONSTABLE: This car's coming back as Crown property. Do you have authorization to drive it?

    ME: (confidently) Yes.

    SECOND CONSTABLE: Who have you authorisation to drive this car?

    ME: Her Royal Highness.

    CONSTABLE: You're telling me the Princess of Centralia herself told you to drive this car?

    ME: Um...yes?

    CONSTABLE: Right...I'm not playing this game. This car's being seized.

    ME: Are you sure? Why don't you just call the Princess and ask?

    CONSTABLE: Ma'am, do you think I just have the Princess of the country on speed dial?

    ME: ...I suppose not.

    CONSTABLE: Ok, then I'm taking the car to be on the safe side. Understand?

    ME: Fair enough.

    SECOND CONSTABLE: Do you need a ride to the bus station or something?

    ME: No thank you, I'll walk.

    SECOND CONSTABLE: Alright, Ms. Smithee. Have a nice day.

    ME: *sighs* You too.
  • TachyonTachyon
    imagei will watch the heck outta this pumpkin patch
    "Of course it's a real name constable, whyever would you think otherwise?"

    i hope they'll at least guard the car properly in case of hijackers
  • Yarrun XIXYarrun XIX
    Whores! we want "poems that kill."
    Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
    guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
    and take their weapons leaving them dead
    -ten minutes later-

    *drives up in the seized car*

    Hey, girlie! Do you want your car back?
  • Princess AlicePrincess Alice
    You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
    Oh, it's you.

    Er, I mean, do I know you? You look familiar.
  • Yarrun XIXYarrun XIX
    Whores! we want "poems that kill."
    Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
    guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
    and take their weapons leaving them dead
    Nope! Can't say we've met before! Ever!

    I mean, I'd guess that you're connected to the Royals. This is their car, and if it had been stolen, I would know about it. That kind of knowledge comes with the fancy gloves and goggles that I wear all the time. Ask about Mr next time you chat with the princess. Tell her how gentlemanly I am.

    Now, do you want the car or not?
  • Princess AlicePrincess Alice
    You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
    If I say yes, aren't you just going to steal it again when I get to Colerain?
  • Yarrun XIXYarrun XIX
    Whores! we want "poems that kill."
    Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
    guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
    and take their weapons leaving them dead
    Steal it? Why, are you implying that I'm the elusive, incredibly handsome Hijacker? No, no, I'm just a guy doing a good deed that the cops didn't know was good at the time.
  • Princess AlicePrincess Alice
    You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
    *sigh*

    Do you wanna ride to Colerain together? It's not like I've got any other companion here.
  • Yarrun XIXYarrun XIX
    Whores! we want "poems that kill."
    Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
    guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
    and take their weapons leaving them dead
    -shrugs-

    -moves over to the shotgun seat-
  • Princess AlicePrincess Alice
    You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
    Yay! Let's go!

    So, uh, what's your name? I'm Al-len. Ellen. Yes.
  • Yarrun XIXYarrun XIX
    Whores! we want "poems that kill."
    Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
    guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
    and take their weapons leaving them dead
    I'm an abstract concept. You can call me Roger
  • AlirozAliroz
    ...And even when your hope is gone
    move along, move along, just to make it through
    (2015 self)
    -arrives at the royal gardens for diplomatic meeting-

    Hello?

    Guardsman Payne: bwargable bwargh!  An alligator! -shoots with gun-

    {Gun fires out only spaghetti, and a flag bearing a picture of the Safety Fairy}

    Aliroz: Consarn it.

    Guardsman Payne:  It speaks!

    Aliroz:  Sir Utilis, in the flesh!  I never expected you to look so... hagrid, or sleep deprived, or generally cranky.

    Guardsman Payne:  I AM NOT CRANKY.

    Aliroz:  Ooookay, any idea where your princess is, Utilis?  We need to discuss paint-drying quicknesses of thirty four different paints, as approved by the Painter's guild of the Barony of Kexructland. 

    Guardsman Payne:  Oh.  No wonder she's nowhere to be found.    I'm only sorry she turned you into a ravenous, rancorous reptilian before she ran.

    Guardsman Payne (aside): It appears I've been mistaken for the Princess's Paramour.  Well, if this transmogriphied bureaucrat wants to find her, it appears we have a common goal.  At least I get respect under this name.

    Aliroz (Aside):  It appears I've been assumed to be a human bureaucrat transmogriphied into an alligator.

    -Exit Aliroz and Guardsman Payne into other thread-
  • AlirozAliroz
    ...And even when your hope is gone
    move along, move along, just to make it through
    (2015 self)
    Ah, man, I killed it.
  • TachyonTachyon
    imagei will watch the heck outta this pumpkin patch
    i liked it, but i said nothing.  In order to directly participate here, i would need both a Centralian alter-ego and a better imagination.

    In any case, i don't think your post killed the thread.  The forum is unusually quiet right now.
  • Yarrun XIXYarrun XIX
    Whores! we want "poems that kill."
    Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
    guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
    and take their weapons leaving them dead
    Just make one, and we'll hard-weave it into the main canon later.

    That's how the Hijacker came about
  • TachyonTachyon
    imagei will watch the heck outta this pumpkin patch
    When i think of one, perhaps.

    Seems like it'd be fun.
  • Princess AlicePrincess Alice
    You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
    Nice to meet you, Roger! ^_^

    I'm hungry. Wanna stop for food?
  • Yarrun XIXYarrun XIX
    Whores! we want "poems that kill."
    Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
    guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
    and take their weapons leaving them dead
    Sure. Don't have to be back for a few hours anyway.
  • Princess AlicePrincess Alice
    You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
    Let's see, where do normal people eat? I mean, where do you wanna eat?
  • Imipolex GImipolex G
    Touch the cow. Do it now.
    suddenly they drove by the Royal Barn

    moo
  • Yarrun XIXYarrun XIX
    Whores! we want "poems that kill."
    Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
    guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
    and take their weapons leaving them dead
    -Roger honks the horn in response-

    Wherever humans college students usually eat. Which, from my sort of research, is usually Chipotle? Home of Giant Burritos?
  • Princess AlicePrincess Alice
    You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
    Hey, Royal Cow? Wanna come along with us, two ordinary college students, on our trip to Chipotle? You can get a vegetarian burrito!
  • Imipolex GImipolex G
    Touch the cow. Do it now.
    sure why not
  • Imipolex GImipolex G
    Touch the cow. Do it now.
    hope I can fit in this compact car
  • Princess AlicePrincess Alice
    You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
    It might be a tight squeeze, but a little bit of Totally Not Princess Magic should make it work ^_^
  • Imipolex GImipolex G
    Touch the cow. Do it now.
    yay
  • Yarrun XIXYarrun XIX
    Whores! we want "poems that kill."
    Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
    guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
    and take their weapons leaving them dead
    I'll probably get a vegan burrito too. Meat's never really been my thing.
  • Imipolex GImipolex G
    Touch the cow. Do it now.
  • AlirozAliroz
    ...And even when your hope is gone
    move along, move along, just to make it through
    (2015 self)
    Guardsman "Utilis": Are you sure you're not just sightseeing? I have a princess to find and, um, smooch and stuff.

    "Bureaucrat" Aliroz: Not everybody gets to visit Centralia as often as you, mister Utilis. Besides, I have a feeling. We're close.

    Guardsman "Utilis": What significance does an obscure Mexican restauraunt have?

    "Bureaucrat" Aliroz: Well, according to the Tabloids, you were all smooching up a storm with the Princess a couple weeks ago (stop blushing) in Denver. Today is saturday, which has a T in it but not an R. You now what else has a T and not an R? This restauraunt. Besides, it is a restauraunt started in your own home state, I'd thought you'd be proud of it. It's also in many places in Ohio. What better place than somewhere with memories of Denver, which has an R but not a T?

    Guardsman "Utilis": NO, this is stupid. Let's go back to the palace and see if anyone has reported her yet.
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