Caroline's voicemail
Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system. Caroline! ...is not available. Please leave a message after the tone. *beep*
First message, Wednesday at 10:10 AM:
Hi Caroline! It's Jenny, from the tree in your backyard. I just called to ask...could you, like, have a talk with some of those squirrels? Just ask them to stay out of the bird feeder? I'm not speciesist or anything, I know squirrels gotta eat too, but I dunno, I feel like they're taking advantage of your mother's contribution to the bird community. So, uh, give me a call when you get the chance. Bye!
Next message, Wednesday at 11:02 AM:
Hey Caroline, it's Jimmy from the UCen library. Your sister is, uh...well, she's convinced you took her favorite pen and she's kinda flipping out. So, if you could give me a call--and I'm not saying you stole the pen, but I think we should talk--just give me a call and we'll see if we can get this worked out. Bye.
Next message, Wednesday at 11:11 AM:
CAROLINE, YOU GREEDY HORSEFUCKER. YOU TOOK MY PURPLE PEN AND YOU KNOW IT. I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU THINK YOU ARE, OR WHY YOU THINK YOU CAN STEAL FROM ME, BUT YOU CAN'T. YOU'D BETTER GET YOUR ASS ON THE NEXT TRAIN OVER HERE WITH THAT PEN OR I SWEAR TO GOD--what--I'LL BE AS LOUD AS I LIKE! I KNOW IT'S A LIBRARY, BUT THIS IS AN EMERGENCY AND--fuck it. Burn in hell, Caroline.
Next message, Wednesday at 11:23 AM:
Uh, hey, it's Jimmy again. Your sister Lindsay is with the campus police and she's trying to tell them to have the Centralia Principal Police open a full-scale investigation into this pen thing...? So, like, if you could call me soon, that would be really appreciated, because Lindsay’s kinda…snapped. Uh, yeah. Call me.
Next message, Wednesday at 12:14 PM:
(Do I have to?)
(Yes!)
(Ugh.) Caroline? I, uh…I found my purple pen. It turns out it was in my desk drawer the entire time! Heh, would you…imagine that.
(Say it.)
(Ugh.)
(Say it!)
I’m s—I’m sor—I’m s-sorry, Caroline. I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that.
(See? That wasn’t so bad.)
You’re still a dirty horsefucker though.
Lindsay!
End of messages.
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