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Sasha and Gladys' Eternal Field Trip

AnonusAnonus
edited 2014-10-13 03:00:31 in Artistic Pursuits
I don't write stories a whole lot, and the plot of this thing might be kind of clichéd, but I thought it was a fun idea, at least. Here's the first chapter of it: https://www.dropbox.com/s/wj32j0imohndzcq/Sasha and Gladys' Eternal Field Trip.rtf?dl=0

Comments

  • AnonusAnonus
    I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat
    You know what, the thing seems really rough around the edges. Like I'm telling more than showing about the school setting.
  • Princess AlicePrincess Alice
    You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022
    First drafts are always rough around the edges. This is the first time you've written about these characters, no?

    Here's a thought, though: Instead of having the narrator just straight-up tell us about the girls' personalities in the opening, try to show us their personalities through their actions and dialogue. It will be much more effective in giving the audience a feel for your character.

    (Also, in dialogue, it's usually considered proper to start a new paragraph every time you change speakers. It makes it easier to tell who's talking.)
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