ITT: We use magic for mundane things

Comments

• Yarrun XIX

  2014-06-11 01:18:18

  Whores! we want "poems that kill."
  Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
  guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
  and take their weapons leaving them dead

  *magically moonwalks*
• Yarrun XIX

  2014-06-11 01:19:11

  Whores! we want "poems that kill."
  Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
  guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
  and take their weapons leaving them dead

  *magically ties tie*
• Yarrun XIX

  2014-06-11 01:19:25

  Whores! we want "poems that kill."
  Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
  guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
  and take their weapons leaving them dead

  *magically hijacks the thread*
• Calica

  2014-06-11 01:23:46

  Sup bitches, witches, Haters, and trolls.

  Yarrun XIX said:

  *magically hijacks the thread*

  you would
• Yarrun XIX

  2014-06-11 01:32:16

  Whores! we want "poems that kill."
  Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
  guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
  and take their weapons leaving them dead

  *magically states that it is tradition*
• Imipolex G

  2014-06-11 02:07:17

  Touch the cow. Do it now.
  

  *magically delicious*
  
• ProfessorGator

  2014-06-11 02:12:46

  Remember back in the 50s when they'd record like Elvis singing YOU AIN'T NOTHIN BUT A HOUND DOG and then they'd turn the record over and reverse it and it was all NYERP NYERP NYERP NYERP NYERP and people were all like, "That is actually the voice of Satan coming from that song."

  (magically leaves glowing balls of light all over the apartment to save electricity)

  
  

  (gets a ramped-up magic bill)

  
  

  shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit
• Calica

  2014-06-11 02:15:36

  Sup bitches, witches, Haters, and trolls.

  *magically calculates inverse square roots*
• glennmagusharvey

  2014-06-11 08:51:07

  *magically cleans the floor of all dirt, dust, and grime*
  
• glennmagusharvey

  2014-06-11 08:51:28

  *magically assimilates the information in the stack of papers in front of me*
  
• Tachyon

  2014-06-11 12:23:34

  ^{i will watch the heck outta this pumpkin patch}
  

  *magically washes the dishes*
  
  *magically types up my dissertation without touching my keyboard*
  
• glennmagusharvey

  2014-06-11 15:56:42

  Tachyon said:

  *magically washes the dishes*
  
  *magically types up my dissertation without touching my keyboard*
  

  you too, huh?
  
  ...and you too again, huh?
  
• Haven

  2014-06-11 15:58:51

  Let me tell you. About Fallen London.

  *magically slowly lifts up to 1 pound of material*
  *magically colors, cleans or soils objects in a 1-foot cube*

  *magically chills, warms or flavors 1 pound of nonliving material*
  *magically creates small objects which look crude or artificial*
  
• Princess Alice

  2014-06-11 15:58:52

  You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022

  So are you magically manipulating the keys on the keyboard, magically manipulating the text on the computer screen, or just cutting out the middleman entirely and magically making words appear on a sheet of paper?
• Princess Alice

  2014-06-11 15:59:52

  You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022

  Haven said:

  *magically slowly lifts up to 1 pound of material*
  *magically colors, cleans or soils objects in a 1-foot cube*

  *magically chills, warms or flavors 1 pound of nonliving material*
  *magically creates small objects which look crude or artificial*
  

  I had to Google that because I suspected it was a Homestuck reference I'd forgotten

  
  

  Guess it's not, though
• Odradek

  2014-06-11 16:00:00

  My dreams exceed my real life

  
• Obā-san

  2014-06-11 16:15:28

  
  

  Haven said:

  *magically slowly lifts up to 1 pound of material*
  *magically colors, cleans or soils objects in a 1-foot cube*

  *magically chills, warms or flavors 1 pound of nonliving material*
  *magically creates small objects which look crude or artificial*
  

  hehehe
  
  
• Aliroz

  2014-06-11 17:21:05

  ...And even when your hope is gone

  move along, move along, just to make it through

  (2015 self)

  Magically turns tricarboxylic acid and dihydrogen monoxide into adenine triphosphate and carbon dioxide while reducing nicotinamide adenine dinucleotide.
  
  Alchemy, yo.
  
  Magically applies knife to legume paste so as to pick up said legume paste, and once having the aforementioned legume paste on the knife, magically applies knife to baked wheat-water combination.  Magically repeats said feat but substituting goopified plant ovaries for legume paste.  Combines two sheets ofbaked wheat-water combination, and magically devours.  Magically refuses to clean up after self.
  
• Yarrun XIX

  2014-06-11 17:31:58

  Whores! we want "poems that kill."
  Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
  guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
  and take their weapons leaving them dead

  Yon Assassin said:

  Haven said:

  *magically slowly lifts up to 1 pound of material*
  *magically colors, cleans or soils objects in a 1-foot cube*

  *magically chills, warms or flavors 1 pound of nonliving material*
  *magically creates small objects which look crude or artificial*
  

  hehehe
  
  

  -cantrips-
• Buttwangs

  2014-06-11 18:11:14

  BE ATTITUDE FOR GAINS

  *magically turn the sun blue*
• Calica

  2014-06-11 18:15:16

  Sup bitches, witches, Haters, and trolls.

  Byakuren said:

  *magically turn the sun blue*

  is that uh mundane
• Calica

  2014-06-11 18:15:30

  Sup bitches, witches, Haters, and trolls.

  *magically opens a plastic tub*
• Aliroz

  2014-06-11 18:18:29

  ...And even when your hope is gone

  move along, move along, just to make it through

  (2015 self)

  magically qw3ev9g834g843g28-1rAERNABRPHBRPH9G42NJ;KG4JKJNKDFKJNFDAK9P8403298043908340894114893
  
• glennmagusharvey

  2014-06-11 18:28:04

  *magically causes amusing English writings to appear on computer screens owned or used by other people*
  
• Yarrun XIX

  2014-06-11 18:48:36

  Whores! we want "poems that kill."
  Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
  guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
  and take their weapons leaving them dead

  *magically*
• Bee

  2014-06-11 21:45:22 edited 2014-06-11 21:45:35

  Lilly said:

  *magically calculates inverse square roots*

  Heehee.  It's funny because the fastest method of doing that actually uses a magic number.
  
• Princess Alice

  2014-06-11 21:49:32

  You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022

  I'm not convinced that math isn't an advanced form of dark magic to begin with, so...
• Bee

  2014-06-11 23:04:28

  float Q_rsqrt( float number )
  {
  	long i;
  	float x2, y;
  	const float threehalfs = 1.5F;
   
  	x2 = number * 0.5F;
  	y  = number;
  	i  = * ( long * ) &y;                       // evil floating point bit level hacking
  	i  = 0x5f3759df - ( i >> 1 );               // what the fuck?
  	y  = * ( float * ) &i;
  	y  = y * ( threehalfs - ( x2 * y * y ) );   // 1st iteration
  //      y  = y * ( threehalfs - ( x2 * y * y ) );   // 2nd iteration, this can be removed
   
  	return y;
  }
• Tachyon

  2014-06-12 16:19:52 edited 2014-06-12 16:20:29

  ^{i will watch the heck outta this pumpkin patch}
  

  Lilly said:

  Byakuren said:

  *magically turn the sun blue*

  is that uh mundane

   definitely not otoh superman vision
  
• lee4hmz

  2014-06-12 16:21:22

  ⚠ THIS MACHINE KILLS FASCISTS

  *magically takes a book out of the bookcase*

  
  

  *magically turns the pages*
• Tachyon

  2014-06-12 16:25:13

  ^{i will watch the heck outta this pumpkin patch}
  

  and yeah why bother with the middleman
  
  *magics words onto paper*
  
• ProfessorGator

  2014-06-12 18:45:33

  Remember back in the 50s when they'd record like Elvis singing YOU AIN'T NOTHIN BUT A HOUND DOG and then they'd turn the record over and reverse it and it was all NYERP NYERP NYERP NYERP NYERP and people were all like, "That is actually the voice of Satan coming from that song."

  (magically teleports food into stomach)

  
  

  (accidentally aims wrong and teleports food into kidneys instead)

  
  

  (magically teleports to the ER)
• Princess Alice

  2014-06-12 18:50:03

  You are the end result of a “would you push the button” prompt where the prompt was “you have unlimited godlike powers but you appear to all and sundry to be an impetuous child” – Zero, 2022

  I imagine the hospitals in Centralia have to have magic-using doctors on staff
• Anonus

  2014-06-12 19:04:13

  I've learned to tolerate drama...except on the boat

  One of my MLP headcanons is that only unicorns are allowed to be surgeons
• Calica

  2014-06-12 19:34:26

  Sup bitches, witches, Haters, and trolls.

  *magically powers a car*
• Buttwangs

  2014-06-12 19:50:13

  BE ATTITUDE FOR GAINS

  *Everytime I poop it teleports in any random toilet on earth*
• Miss Miko Mayonegg

  2014-06-12 19:56:25

  More people have said that and been killed than there are thorium decay products.
  

  I imagine this having some amusing results.
  
• glennmagusharvey

  2014-06-12 22:32:31

  *uses sufficiently advanced technology to cause words to be communicated to a "server" which then relays the words to your screen*
  
• lee4hmz

  2014-06-13 22:45:01

  ⚠ THIS MACHINE KILLS FASCISTS

  *uses nuclear power to...light an exit sign*