The Landfill of the Heapers' Hangout (contains Fossilmaiden's Punnery)
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means i'm pissing on you
and there's science to be done
and you make a neat gun
when the people they are
still alive
oh right
the shining
no idea why it's called that
only know the meme
oh okay
"SO THEREFORE YOUR UPWARD ARROW SAYING 'douchebag' REFERS TO YOUR QUOTE AND NOT TO ME HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"
it gets tiring sometimes though
eww, two bad stereotypes in one room
Rules
You are about to embark upon a Conundrum. Unlike other
puzzles, the instructions for this puzzle are clear and explicit; simply
follow the instructions exactly as they are written, and the answer
will be spelled out for you. All you need to do is, at each time step,
look at what is written on your instructions for that
time step, and carry out the instructions. You always carry out one
numbered instruction per time step.
Note that you follow the
instructions as they are written when you get to them; if instruction 5
says to cross off instruction 4, then you will still do instruction 4
when time step 4 comes along.
Unlike other Conundrums, this is a
Time Conundrum. You may encounter time travel, closed timelike curves,
and, if you do things wrong, inconsistencies and grandfather paradoxes.
Your goal is to make it through with a single consistent history.
1. Timesteps
During each time step, two things happen, in this order:
instructed them to do so, or if they are a DUCK or a ROBOT (see below).
If there are multiple items taking actions, the ones that press Big Red
Buttons act before any others. Multiple items pressing the Big Red
Button act simultaneously, all pushing the button together.
After the timestep is complete, but before the next timestep, any items arriving from distant points in time
appear in the center of the room.
2. Items
You will encounter various items:
without cause. You are not a wizard who can spontaneously create things.
Of course, items might appear or disappear due to time travel, but this
will only happen if legitimately caused by the TIME MACHINE according
to its rules.
the room as measured by an internal clock on the item. So if it entered
the room on timestep 4, then during timestep 7 its age is 3. If during
timestep 7 it travels back in time by 6 timesteps, arriving after
timestep 1, then on timestep 2 its age is 4. "Younger" and "Older" refer
to comparisons of this age.
instructions do not specify a particular one (e.g. they say "the
BANANA"), they mean the oldest one.
of each positive prime numbered timestep (after you finish whatever you
do, but before anything appears from other times), each DUCK will act.
If it is not in a TIME MACHINE, it will enter the TIME MACHINE. If it is
in a TIME MACHINE, it will press the Big Red Button on the TIME MACHINE
it is in.
which ends in a 5 (-15, -5, 5, 15, 25, etc), resets the TIME MACHINE's
dial to be equal to the ROBOT's current age.
3. Wording
one, it does not matter which is being referred to.
appeared in the middle of the room after the previous timestep and
before the current one.
4. Other Notes
letters and numbers interchangeably. You should always use the
conversion A=1, B=2, and so on, unless otherwise specified. You should
never have to convert a number that is not between 1 and 26 to a letter.
5. Starting
You begin on timestep 0 (the time when you
unlocked this puzzle). On timestep 0, you enter the room carrying your
COMPUTER and these INSTRUCTIONS. As you can see, the INSTRUCTIONS have a
space marked "Answer" at the top of the section. When told to write in
the "slots," write in these blanks. They are numbered from left to
right.
The room is empty except for a single TIME MACHINE, which
was brought into the room at some point in the very distant past, long
previous to the time of your actions or any effects of your actions
(this act of bringing the TIME MACHINE in is the only exception to rule
2.4).
Time Machine Manual
The TIME MACHINE
The TIME MACHINE causes time travel. It has two controls:
dial, which can be set to any integer. This represents the distance
forward or backward that objects in the time machine will be sent.
are transported to a different point in time, indicated by the dial. So
if you press the Big Red Button on timestep 17 and the dial says +3, the
items appear on timestep 20.
Warmups
If you've already started the puzzle, you'd
better not waste time on these warmups or else all the precise timing
will be broken - you have to keep doing exactly one instruction per
timestep!
But if you have some time before you start, it might be
worth running through these smaller sets of instructions first, to get a
feel for how the TIME MACHINE works. Figure out how to follow the
instructions without leading to a contradiction.
Warmup A
Warmup B
Answer: _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Instructions
Read the answer from the new INSTRUCTIONS that just appeared. This is
the correct answer to the puzzle; go ahead and call it in. You're done!
of INSTRUCTIONS is necessarily older than the one you brought with you,
so make sure to use it instead, according to rule #4.2. But because it
has the right answer already written in and we wouldn't want to write
over the correct answer, whenever you're told to write a letter, write
it in the "Answer" blanks on the original (younger) one. Now, write the
appropriate letter in the seventh slot. (Not the correct letter; that would lead to a paradox. Write the unique letter which does not lead to a paradox.)
of the answer. Then set the TIME MACHINE's dial to the number of items
in the room.
MACHINE's dial now. Figure out what he will set it to, and write the
result in the tenth slot.
items. Subtract the sixth letter of the answer, and write the result in
the 4th spot.
answer (one after the other; in other words decrement by their sum).
present. Write the sum of that number and the time dial in the eighth
slot.
younger INSTRUCTIONS, and to step 29 of the older INSTRUCTIONS: "Write
the sum of the digits in the time dial (ignoring the negative sign)
minus the third letter of the answer in the 3rd slot."
wait! The older one must be the younger one after it traveled back in
time, so you'd better make them match. There are currently four
handwritten corrections on the older one, two of which you need to
transfer over to avoid paradoxes. First, caesar shift the "S" in step 4
forward by the 7th letter of the answer. Second, cross out step 12
and replace it with "Increment the time dial by 4, then square it, then
decrement it by 1." Although, looking back on it, notice that the second
change didn't actually affect the result of step 12 at all. After
making those changes, burn one set of INSTRUCTIONS (the one you can burn
without causing a paradox).
ROBOT, but never actually acquired one. To fix it, you'd better go to
the store and buy a new ROBOT. Bring it back and put it in the TIME
MACHINE, then press the Big Red Button. Note that eating the CUCUMBER
was fine, since you already bought the CUCUMBER in step 11.
(of different ages) present. Put the youngest copy of each in the TIME
MACHINE. (One of them might not fit so well, but you should be able to
squeeze it in if you pinch the corners down). Press the Big Red Button.
Then decrement the TIME MACHINE's dial by the first letter of the final
answer. Then increment the TIME MACHINE's dial by the last letter of the
final answer. Put the ROBOT in the TIME MACHINE, and press the Big Red
Button. Kill all the DUCKs in the room.
created nor destroyed; it is in a perpetual time loop. Figure out the
period of the time loop (using the normal age rules #2.5). Note that
this length is equal to the sum of the second and third letters of the
answer.
the answer of course - you already know the answer, and have since step
one. Why are you still working, again? Well, anyway, you have a thing
written in the answer slot; maybe you should call it in even though it's
wrong?
COMPUTER being held by another character), open a web browser, and
navigate to the puzzle page for this puzzle. Type the phrase written in
the answer space into the "Solution" box, but don't click submit.
Relieve the MONKEY of his current possession, and hand him the COMPUTER
you typed into. Put him in the TIME MACHINE.
he should press the "Submit" button on the COMPUTER. Then he should wait
until timestep -2, at which point he should get in the TIME MACHINE
(still carrying the item he brought with him) and press the Big Red
Button. After ensuring that he understands his instructions, press the
Big Red Button.
... much more of this will probably disrupt some spacetime continuum or
something. Erase the nonsense thing in the answer space at the top of
these INSTRUCTIONS, and write the actual final answer. Xerox these
INSTRUCTIONS, and put the original into the TIME MACHINE.
negative the first letter of the final answer, as a hint to anyone who
comes in after you. Take one last look around - the room should be empty
except for the TIME MACHINE, your COMPUTER, and a set of INSTRUCTIONS.
Take the COMPUTER and INSTRUCTIONS with you (but leave the TIME
MACHINE). Leave this strange,
strange room, and go back to the rest of the Hunt.
suggest
Hush hush eye to eye
Even though he's still on Tumblr