What the heckie did you just say about me, you little fluffball?
I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Baby Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on pillow forts, and I have over 300 confirmed boops. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top snuggler in the entire US unarmed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will cuddle the frick out of you with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my words. You think you can get away with saying those things to me over the Internet? Think again, mister. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of kittens across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, doofus. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your pillow fort. You’re fricking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can tickle you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare paws. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed snorgling, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United Kittens Cuddle Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable pout off your face, you little goober. If only you could have known what comfy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you gosh darned dorkus. I will pile blankets all over you and you will nap in them. You’re fucking cute, kiddo.
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