Man Becomes His Own Onion Parody

Sredni Vashtar · 2013-07-28 00:06:08

An attorney by the name of Chris Sevier has sued Apple for allowing him access to pornography, thus turning him into a porn addict and ending his marriage. Which is clearly their fault. He also blames the end of Don't Ask Don't Tell and other factors for corrupting America's soul.

I am not sure whether to feel pity, disgust or morbid amusement.

Miss Miko Mayonegg · 2013-07-28 00:08:10

Sevier said that this ‘F***book’ site “appealed to his biological
sensibilities as a male”. He also alleged that porn actresses online
were “unfair competition” to his wife.

Fuck the culture that produced this man; I cannot read any more of this.

Imipolex G · 2013-07-28 00:09:13

what is this I don't even

Imipolex G · 2013-07-28 00:09:31

oh wait, you already tagged it as that

Salix Babylonika · 2013-07-28 00:11:10

I was going to post this in the Binding of Isaac thread but I feel it may be as accurate here as there.

Imipolex G · 2013-07-28 00:12:10

"I AM ERROR" oh ho, that's original

Tanya · 2013-07-28 00:16:19

The Judge involved in the case has failed to acknowledge
Sevier’s complaint, at least in part due to the submitted document’s
spelling mistakes, grammatical errors and rambling tone. In the excerpt
below it seems Sevier has mistaken the word ‘hormones’ for ‘harmonies’:

“As
human beings themselves, Apple employees know that a man is born full
of harmonies and attacked to by women engaging in sexual acts with the
intent to cause vicarious arousal.”

Lol.

Can't we all just live in Hormones with each other? XD

Imipolex G · 2013-07-28 00:20:42

This guy is an attorney and he writes like that?

Yarrun XIX · 2013-07-28 00:26:57

Oh, yeah, that fellow.

"Please, stop me from hurting myself"

Man, if you want to stop watching porn, that's your prerogative and I respect that. But don't bring Apple into this. It wastes money that would have gone into cushions for the Board of Trustees' meeting room. You're making their rumps so sore.

Princess Alice · 2013-07-28 00:29:28

You know

The fact that he misspells words as correctly spelled other words ("hormones"/"harmonies", "attracted"/"attacked") makes me wonder if he isn't writing this nonsense on an iPhone or iPad

Which would make the whole thing that much more amusing, really

lee4hmz · 2013-07-28 00:37:08

This would be like me suing Sony Music for emotional distress, since I had certain songs from Gonna Make You Sweat stuck in my head when I was depressed back in 10th grade. :P

Tre · 2013-07-28 09:01:01

lee4hmz said:
This would be like me suing Sony Music for emotional distress, since I had certain songs from Gonna Make You Sweat stuck in my head when I was depressed back in 10th grade. :P

Or, for that matter, suing The Coca-Cola Co. for that weird feeling you get in your nose sometimes if you drink Sprite too fast.

nohaynicklibre · 2013-07-28 11:19:07

Or suing McDonalds for being fat.

Oh wait people have done this

Aliroz · 2013-07-29 00:05:28

Is it wrong that I am rooting for this attorney? I despise Apple and how it fosters innovation (look what innovation has done to the world) and the like.

Also, someone has to do something to get pornography banned. That vile almondy effluence adorned with the human form is like comic sans and gypsy moths in the Americas. It needs to be eradicated.

I mean, what if the only flavor of food is sans-serif moth?

Hexartes · 2013-07-29 00:11:14

Innovation is almost universally regarded as a Pretty Good Thing; I doubt stopping innovation will motivate anyone.

Tanya · 2013-07-29 00:28:59

Aliroz said:
look what innovation has done to the world

What has it done?

Miss Miko Mayonegg · 2013-07-29 00:30:24

A lot of good things that improve the standard of living and allow for things such as Aliroz being on an internet. :D

Princess Alice · 2013-07-29 00:32:46

Laws don't really do much to stem innovation anyway; if anything, they indirectly encourage innovation as people try to get clever to work around the restrictions placed on them.

Sredni Vashtar · 2013-07-29 00:38:06

Furthermore, the fact that pornography is legal and freely available means that its production and distribution is in the hands of the people rather than under the control of criminal enterprises, thus making it safer for those involved in it and partaking in it. Plus, sexual repression leads to sexual frustration, which can lead to bad behaviour. So it is best that people have access to it—and the freedom not to take advantage of that access.

Previous Calica · 2013-07-29 02:17:10

Suing Apple, whose anti-nsfw policies almost got the tumblr app taken off the app store because tags like "gay" have a lot of porn in them, for encouraging pornography is the height of irony, though, really.

Yarrun XIX · 2013-07-29 02:37:13

There's still the fact that pornography, as it stands today, has issues with being overtly sexist and occasionally racist. Sexual expression may be necessary, but pornography's not the best way to do it, imo.

At the very least, America needs more socially conscious depictions of pornography. That is a sentence clause that I did not expect to type, but here we are.

Sredni Vashtar · 2013-07-29 02:38:22

That is absolutely true, but that has no bearing on legality.

Yarrun XIX · 2013-07-29 02:44:10

No, no it does not. Because that would be censorship, and that is wrong.

If only we could determine what media is appropriate for America without cutting America off from the rest of the world and turning into North Kora 2: Bigger, Longer and Uncut.

Sredni Vashtar · 2013-07-29 02:48:01

I don't think that determining what people can and cannot consume is our obligation; rather, in my mind, it is our obligation to educate the public so that they make more informed decisions, thus transforming the market and the industry.

Yarrun XIX · 2013-07-29 09:29:16

Yeah, but that's more difficult. Censorship is quick and easy.

Sredni Vashtar · 2013-07-29 09:35:05

"Quick and easy" is rarely anything like "morally valid."

Princess Alice · 2013-07-29 09:36:00

The ease of censorship is false ease, though.

I mean, sure, it's simple enough to say "no porn for you, or else you get fined" or whatever, but actually enforcing it on a full-scale level would be damn near impossible.

You'd probably end up with something a bit like the efforts against piracy: there'd be enough obstacles to discourage casual lawbreaking, and there'd be a few high-profile attempts at stopping it, but those people who actually want it wouldn't be deterred at all.

Yarrun XIX · 2013-07-29 10:43:39

Yeah, I know.

I'm kind of playing devil's advocate here, albeit poorly.

Aliroz · 2013-07-31 23:15:20

Pornography is made to incite lust, which is according to C.S. Lewis, only a hollow, withered, pale mimicry of love, without the substance or nourishment.

In other words, pornography is like trashy cheap junk food, it caters to a human need without actually giving that which is needed, meaningful, nourishing, sincere, genuine, or lovely.

Tanya · 2013-07-31 23:19:52

Aliroz said:
Pornography is made to incite lust, which is according to C.S. Lewis, only a hollow, withered, pale mimicry of love, without the substance or nourishment.

In other words, pornography is like trashy cheap junk food, it caters to a human need without actually giving that which is needed, meaningful, nourishing, sincere, genuine, or lovely.

Metaphors can only be stretched so far before it breaks and you need to pick up the mechanics of certain things.

But I am curious as to what the point of this post is.

Miss Miko Mayonegg · 2013-07-31 23:31:35

The fact that this man equates the enjoyment of pornography with his entire relationship with his wife (as "unfair competition") angers me. The idea that love = marriage = sex angers me. The ideas espoused by this man that only men can enjoy sex, that it's so hard for a man to resist sexual urges, and that a man's urges are a woman's fault for being attractive, anger me.

One-Winged Eagle · 2013-07-31 23:36:50

This whole thing is just sad.

Aliroz · 2013-07-31 23:42:49

Counterclock, I thought that the point of the Hangout was that nobody needed to have a point in a post.

I apologize for disagreeing with you.

Tanya · 2013-07-31 23:47:32

Aliroz said:
Counterclock, I thought that the point of the Hangout was that nobody needed to have a point in a post.

I apologize for disagreeing with you.

You don't need a point, but things don't come from nowhere. they exist in a bubble and that bubble is called life, and sometimes people like playing in the bath and making soap bubbles that exist solely of suds.

What kind of life are you if you are an artificial soap life?

Aliroz · 2013-07-31 23:55:34

Counterclock said:

Aliroz said:
Counterclock, I thought that the point of the Hangout was that nobody needed to have a point in a post.

I apologize for disagreeing with you.
You don't need a point, but things don't come from nowhere. they exist in a bubble and that bubble is called life, and sometimes people like playing in the bath and making soap bubbles that exist solely of suds.

What kind of life are you if you are an artificial soap life?

Let's say that you are Edgar from Shakespeare's take on the tale of King Lear, and I am his half-brother, playing an instrument far below middle c with a fish whose parents were not married. I am in my castle fortress, and this life in a bubble is a base basic base-based life for the base in a base playing the base bass with the base bass.

All your base are belong to us.

Salix Babylonika · 2013-08-01 00:59:49

kingCrackers said:
This whole thing is just sad.

Sredni Vashtar · 2013-08-01 09:26:48

Miko said:
The fact that this man equates the enjoyment of pornography with his entire relationship with his wife (as "unfair competition") angers me. The idea that love = marriage = sex angers me. The ideas espoused by this man that only men can enjoy sex, that it's so hard for a man to resist sexual urges, and that a man's urges are a woman's fault for being attractive, anger me.

kingCrackers said:
This whole thing is just sad.

Both of these things, so very much.

Aliroz said:
Pornography is made to incite lust, which is according to C.S. Lewis, only a hollow, withered, pale mimicry of love, without the substance or nourishment.

In other words, pornography is like trashy cheap junk food, it caters to a human need without actually giving that which is needed, meaningful, nourishing, sincere, genuine, or lovely.

I do not actually disagree with most of this in principle, although I think that when a person is unable to find actual emotional gratification with another person, that kind of substitute can work as a useful release valve for tension.

I would also argue that lust is not so much a shadow of romantic love as a component of it. It is the physical part of the basic need to reproduce or pair-bond, as well as a simple desire for physical satisfaction. Begrudging a person for feeling that is quite unfair. That said, letting it become the centre of your life is a pretty terrible idea...

Man Becomes His Own Onion Parody

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