What's with those fasho continuity nietzschecomix? OR Odradek reads New 52

Odradek · 2013-07-08 15:23:36

Because Sredni Vashtar couldn't have ALL the fun.

For those not in the know, DC recently rebooted their biggest and most long-running comics in a new continuity to bring in new readers. Unfortunately, due to editorial chokeholds, it turns out much of the New 52 is apparently Not Very Good.

So how am I, a Marvel person going to react to seeing the new continuity and takes on characters they introduce? Let's find out! I'll be reading every run up to issue 10, and then move on to a different comic. YOU get to vote on which comic I take on next. If everyone votes for a different comic, I'll choose the comics that look most interesting and we'll do a finalist round. I'll be heavily using wikipedia to figure out characters I'm not familar with, as long as asking about stuff from comics fans I know.

The titles on New 52 are:

Action Comics

All-Star Western

Animal Man

Aquaman

Batgirl

Batman

Batman and Robin

Batman: The Dark Knight

Batwing

Batwoman

Birds of Prey

Blackhawks

Blue Beetle

Captain Atom

Catwoman

DC Universe Presents

Deathstroke

Demon Knights

Detective Comics

Flash

Frankenstein: Agent of S.H.A.D.E

Fury of Firestorm

Green Arrow

Green Lantern

Green Lantern Corps

Green Lantern: New Guardians

Grifter

Hawk and Dove

I, Vampire

Justice League

Justice League Dark

Justice League International

Legion Lost

Legion of Superheroes

Men of War

Mister Terrific

Nightwing

OMAC

Red Hood and the Outlaws

Red Lanterns

Resurrection Man

Savage Hawkman

Static Shock

Stormwatch

Suicide Squad

Superboy

Supergirl

Superman

Swamp Thing

Teen Titans

Voodoo

Wonder Woman

Salix Babylonika · 2013-07-08 15:26:34

Frankenstein: Agent of S.H.A.D.E

really

Sredni Vashtar · 2013-07-08 15:28:46

Animal Man, because the Morrison legacy still has a subtle foothold in that continuity from what I have heard.

Bunny · 2013-07-08 15:35:45

Start with Voodoo

(because it's terrible)

Odradek · 2013-07-08 16:25:04

So that is a vote for

Animal Man

Voodoo

And maybe Frankenstein

glennmagusharvey · 2013-07-08 16:27:08

Frankenstein: Agent of S.H.A.D.E

Mo' said:
really

moar liek Frankenstein: Agent of F.U.N.W.I.T.H.A.C.R.O.N.Y.M.S. amirite

PlutoniumFist · 2013-07-08 17:41:58

God, I hated the new Animal Man. I wanted to like it really badly, but...man.

Casting a vote for Batman, cause it's actually good.

Odradek · 2013-07-08 17:45:36

Animal Man

Voodoo

Batman

Justice4243 · 2013-07-08 18:35:19

Casting a vote for Batman,

Also casting a vote for Animal Man, because the idea that DC thinks he warrants being part of this reboot amuses me to no end.

Odradek · 2013-07-08 18:49:49

So let's check

Animal Man 2

Voodoo 1

Batman 2

glennmagusharvey · 2013-07-08 18:53:56

Voodoo? Is it voodoo? Voodoo!

Justice4243 · 2013-07-08 18:59:14

Also casting a vote for Swamp Thing.

Odradek · 2013-07-08 19:07:33

So

Animal Man 2

Batman 2

Voodoo 2(maybe?)

Swamp Thing 1

Yarrun XIX · 2013-07-08 19:26:51

I'll cast a vote for Animal Man.

Odradek · 2013-07-08 19:28:19

Animal Man 3

Batman 2

Voodoo 2

Swamp Thing 1

Odradek · 2013-07-08 19:28:36

Anyone want to change their votes? I'll end at 9:00 EST

Mr. Darcy · 2013-07-08 19:35:08

Batman.

Odradek · 2013-07-08 19:44:01

It seems to be a race between Animal Man and Batman. Anyone for Voodoo, or wants to tie break Batman and Animal Man?

Sredni Vashtar · 2013-07-08 19:59:03

A brief aside:

Odradek said:
Because Sredni Vashtar couldn't have ALL the fun.

This implies that I am allowed to have fun. How dare you.

But really, before you read the new Animal Man series, you are going to want to read Morrison's run. It is well worth what little time that I think it should take you, and will certainly put things into perspective, for better or for worse.

One-Winged Eagle · 2013-07-08 20:17:49

Look, I'll save you time and just tell you the comics that you should bother reading at all.

Definite Good Reads:

Action Comics

All-Star Western

Animal Man

Aquaman

Batman and Robin

Batwoman

Captain Atom

DC Universe Presents

Demon Knights

Detective Comics

Flash

Frankenstein: Agent of S.H.A.D.E

Resurrection Man

Stormwatch

Supergirl

Swamp Thing

Wonder Woman

Shows promise, but haven't yet looked at it:

Batgirl

Batman

Batman: The Dark Knight

Grifter

I, Vampire

Justice League Dark

Static Shock

Superman

Crap:

Everything else.

Odradek · 2013-07-08 20:19:26

kingCrackers said:
Look, I'll save you time and just tell you the comics that you should bother reading at all.

I'm sorry.

Are you implying that this ISN'T about subjecting myself to bad comics?

Odradek · 2013-07-08 20:21:12

Sredni Vashtar said:
A brief aside:

Odradek said:
Because Sredni Vashtar couldn't have ALL the fun.
This implies that I am allowed to have fun. How dare you.

But really, before you read the new Animal Man series, you are going to want to read Morrison's run. It is well worth what little time that I think it should take you, and will certainly put things into perspective, for better or for worse.

Actually, given that Animal Man is something I want to read, and I want to start this liveblog by tomorrow, I should probably save AM for later.

Let's make this be between Batman and Voodoo.

Sredni Vashtar · 2013-07-08 20:23:23

Odradek said:

Sredni Vashtar said:
A brief aside:

Odradek said:
Because Sredni Vashtar couldn't have ALL the fun.
This implies that I am allowed to have fun. How dare you.

But really, before you read the new Animal Man series, you are going to want to read Morrison's run. It is well worth what little time that I think it should take you, and will certainly put things into perspective, for better or for worse.
Actually, given that Animal Man is something I want to read, and I want to start this liveblog by tomorrow, I should probably save AM for later.

Let's make this be between Batman and Voodoo.

True. But I would still like to see you review the old and the new series and compare them. It would make for an interesting read.

Yarrun XIX · 2013-07-08 20:25:26

Odradek said:

kingCrackers said:
Look, I'll save you time and just tell you the comics that you should bother reading at all.
I'm sorry.

Are you implying that this ISN'T about subjecting Myr to bad comics?

And on that note, I think I'll change my vote to Voodoo. Because upon further thought, I believe that will cause the most suffering and, by corollary, the most entertainment.

Odradek · 2013-07-08 20:30:39

Looks like Voodoo and Batman are neck and neck!

Sredni Vashtar · 2013-07-08 20:41:01

I will throw my hat in the Voodoo circle, so to speak...

Odradek · 2013-07-08 20:42:21

That's Voodoo 4 and Batman 3 then

One-Winged Eagle · 2013-07-08 20:43:20

Okay, you want actual shit?

Deathstroke.

Justice League.

Hawk and Dove.

Bam. Look at all this pain.

Sredni Vashtar · 2013-07-08 20:55:47

Deathstroke. Oh wow. Forgot that he existed. Sounds like a thing. Ditto Hawk and Dove.

Justice League just sounds like a depressing read in principle.

Odradek · 2013-07-08 21:08:16

Okay Voodoo it is

Odradek · 2013-07-08 22:06:46

So, Voodoo! According to wikipedia, Voodoo is a Wildstorm comics character who was retooled for DC in this new reboot, and given a new origin. Let's dive into Voodoo #0

So we start with a woman, suspended in a vat of fluid talking about how when she was a kid, she got a talk in school at an assembly from some woman who gave the kids some standard self-help BS and then had a box that she said contained a picture of the most important person in the world. She gave every kid a look and inside was... A MIRROR!

Personally, I would have guessed that, but I am not a child. Vat lady claims she didn't get it, which implies that vat lady was not the smartest cookie as a kid. She climbs out of her tank while some aliens or alien-looking things who look like giant blue shellfish talk about some prophecy about how humans are the key to their race's survival. They are currently dissecting one of said humans. They miraculously do not notice that vat lady who's name is revealed to be Pris so I can stop calling her vat lady is climbing out of her tank.

Pris remembers being abducted, and remembers the aliens cutting her open.

The aliens exposit that they are trying to create an alien-human hybrid who will be a sleeper agent among earth's superheroes. In a nice little aside, Pris mentions that it's a fact of life that aliens are real in the DC universe, given that frickin' Superman happens to be one. It's always nice when they avoid arbitary scepticism

Pris gets discovered by some aliens, and I revise my description: they look like see-through shellfish with almost human skeletons. It's a decent design. The aliens yell about how she cannot escape in lieu of trying to grab her.

Pris stops to talk to some captured humans and promises to come back for them. One of the aliens finally grabs her but Pris turns into what I'm assuming is her superhero form, which you can see on the cover.

It looks doofy, and nothing like the Aliens that experimented on her, so I'm at a loss. She starts thinking about killing all the humans and then comes to the obvious conclusion that the aliens did something to her mind. Also she can read the alien's mind now, and has claws which she promptly freaks out about.

Man, it would be kind of interesting if it turned out she could ONLY read the minds of these particular blue starfish skeleton aliens, but it'll probably apply to all races.

The aliens are surprised that she can read their mind, which is weird given that they created her.

Pris breaks through a convenient window to the outside. Pris notes that she won't survive the fall down to the ground, forgetting the fact that she was flying in a previous panel.

The aliens come after Pris, with wings that look like two stick like limbs on each side, and Pris remembers she has wings and can fly. Pris starts trying to beat up an alien, and the alien notes she has no fighting skill and just sort of thrashes around. Suddenly, space marines or whatever these guys are fly in and save the day.

OOORAH USA USA USA!

Because having Pris find some ingenuitive way to defeat or escape them would have been too hard.

One of the space marines carries Pris down to the ground and then electrocutes her so she passes out. The Razors, as the Space Marines are called, radio back to base and we find out the names and faces of two of the be-helmeted goons. One is a woman named Jess, and the guy who shocked Pris is called Evans. Evans comments on how cute Pris is, which is not on my list of things to say about someone I just electrocuted, but I am not a space marine.

Back in the spaceship, the aliens talk about how Pris slipped right through their tentacles, which is weird, given that their hands are clearly what they use to manipulate things. It's like saying something slipped right through your lips. They decide a retrieval mission isn't worth it and they'll just clone another one from her DNA. I'll let the next page speak for itself

Odradek · 2013-07-08 22:06:59

Somewhere in an unspecified city, which a narration box says is "now"(no word on when the rest of the comic was taking place) a man with a piece of cloth that looks sort of like a mask tied around his face is shooting one of the aliens. The alien says his name is Grifter, which probably means something to someone, but I am currently too lazy too look up. Grifter is narrating about being the chosen one, and he and the alien have the following exchange

: You're(sic) death draws near, Grifter!

: Why do you Daemonites always talk like you learned English from Shakespeare?!

Grifter is not the brightest bulb in the house, it seems.

By the way, the image is the most appropriately sized Google Image Search result for Grifter I could find.

Grifter runs out of ammo, and is about to be killed by the contraction-using Daemonite, but he's saved at the last moment by:

SOME LADY!

Yeah, I dunno either.

The page after gives us this

I get the feeling that this is going to be a clusterfuck.

Obā-san · 2013-07-08 22:13:59

A grifter would be something like a mountebank.

Yarrun XIX · 2013-07-08 22:53:48

Well, the costume looks fairly sensible (if boring and unremarkable) for a character who came from something called Wildstorm. A name like that evokes images of Liefeldian bikini armor.

Odradek · 2013-07-08 23:09:34

Yeah I do like that this comic isn't wildly sexist.

It's still kinda sexist, but baby steps.

Yarrun XIX · 2013-07-08 23:12:04

And there's the fact that the outfit on the cover and the outfit in the comic are different.

Salix Babylonika · 2013-07-09 01:45:41

Static Shock

this got canceled because DC hates me, personally.

glennmagusharvey · 2013-07-09 03:05:58

I remember seeing Static Shock commercials on TV.

Odradek · 2013-07-09 22:10:41

'kay, so Voodoo #1! Let's go! Remember what I said about the first issue not being sexist?

The first page. The FIRST FUCKING PAGE.

It turns out Voodoo is a stripper name. The line between Superhero name and stripper name, is, as ever, thin.

So after a few pages of Voodoo doing her thing and an announce talking about how hot she is. We see Evans and Jess from the Black Razors with front row seats to the show. Jess talks about how this not being what headquarters meant by keeping an eye on Voodoo, while Evans just stares at Voodoo creepily.

As for whether this is the original Pris or the clone Pris, I have no idea.

A waitress starts telling Evans that Voodoo likes him and they have a conversation that conveys no useful information but the fact that Pris started working here a few months ago and she's the most popular girl there.

Jess walks out of the club, and starts complaining about how dumb her partner is, when a club patron starts acting like a jerk to her over her bumping into him. Jess beats up said jerk and his friends.

STRONG FEMALE CHARACTERS. Meanwhile, the strip club, the strippers are preparing back stage, and one of them learns that her sitter just quit and asks if anyone there can fill in. Pris says no and another stripper starts a "We're all family here" speech and asks her why she works at the club. Pris says that she's here to learn about people, which I guess means she's cloned Pris and the comic is actually going to follow an alien sleeper agent rather than someone fighting said aliens.

I would be more happy about this somewhat unique premise if the comic wasn't verging on becoming Tarot: Witch Of The Black Rose with every new panel in the club.

So it turns out that someone wants a private dance from Voodoo, so Pris obliges. Surprise, surprise, it's Evans. Evans starts asking questions about Pris, and she responds by being politely evasive up until she dumps her life story on him. Her full name is Priscilla Kitaen, she's of mixed-race and talks about how it's hard to fit in as one. She exposits that this is New Orleans, near a military base.

Evans tells her that this is bullshit, and that she's an alien spy using her telepathic abilities to probe the local soldier's minds. This is always a smart thing to say to alien spies when you have your hands restrained.

Cut to Jess, calling Evans from her motel room, apologizing for walking out on him and talking about how she doesn't want to be alone without her partner.

I smell unresolved sexual tension AND a love triangle!

Meanwhile, Evans is getting a lap dance from Pris and tells her that she can turn herself in, or they can take her by force and dissect her. This is her response.

I'm kind of wondering what reply he was hoping to get.

And then she tears Evans limb from limb. Guess I was wrong about the UST and love triangle.

Lemme recap, this highly trained special agent made contact with an alien spy despite orders not to do so. He allows himself to be restrained by this alien spy, and then threatens her. Then he's surprised when this turns out bad.

DURRRRRRRRRR

And gasp! Pris is a shapeshifter

Well this issue ramped up the stupid pretty quickly. This comic is defying my expectations, but in a very bad way. Then again, I always like a good trainwreck.

But for now, let's sing dear sweet Evans to his eternal rest with a beautiful song that fits his short life perfectly

Yarrun XIX · 2013-07-09 22:17:01

The breasts on the alien form are bizarre. Heck, the entire thing doesn't look organic, what with the line down the chest and the C cups grafted onto a thin torso. Is that species even mammalian? Are those egg sacs or what?

The youtube link is broken, btw. One of the slashes is backwards.

Odradek · 2013-07-09 22:20:40

Hm? It's showing up for me.

Imipolex G · 2013-07-09 22:21:53

good god man, you are nitpicking boobs in comic books

Odradek · 2013-07-09 22:23:42

Dirty Pillows said:
good god man, you are nitpicking boobs in comic books

Yes I am.

Nyeaaahheeeaahheaaah evil laughter

Obā-san · 2013-07-09 22:27:24

The line between Superhero name and stripper name, is, as ever, thin.

i have received the mental image of batman poledancing

Imipolex G · 2013-07-09 22:27:30

Well, I was actually referring to Yarrun's post. But whatever

^Batgirl

Yarrun XIX · 2013-07-09 22:44:35

Comic books rely on art that can effectively tell the story within them. It doesn't necessarily have to be Michelangelo good (not that his bosoms were particularly good anyways). However, it has to convey the story in an efficient and logical way.

Before this issue, we knew nothing about what exactly Voodoo's Predator Form was supposed to be. The revealing of the form should evoke a sense of fear or awe. Instead, I'm giggling because the scary lizard lady has breast cup-plates that are scantily covered by specific strands of her hair. They're sticking fanservice in what should be a horror scene, and that doesn't work anymore than a cupcake in the middle of a well-done steak.

So, yes Imi. I'm complaining about boobs. And I'll keep complaining about boobs as long as they interfere with this incredibly cliche story.

(And it's kind of sad that the Predator Form is so disappointing because the knocked-over side table is actually a nice touch. Granted, there's no reason for the lampshade to fall off the lamp in that angle, but it's something)

Imipolex G · 2013-07-09 22:53:52

touche

Yarrun XIX · 2013-07-09 22:56:25

It really does remind me of the Predator.

Imipolex G · 2013-07-09 23:00:11

to be honest, I'd say the comic's art style in general would be very unlikely to ever inspire horror, for me.

One-Winged Eagle · 2013-07-09 23:25:35

Daemonites are weird, that's all I'll say.

Also I read a lot of Wildstorm back in the day, so I'll just put it out there that while Voodoo may have started as a stripper, most of the stories featuring her didn't actually use that status very much. One noteworthy story featuring Voodoo had her empathizing with defeated POW Daemonites (who were her enemies at the time).

The one time Priscilla's stripper status was brought up was in an Alan Moore-penned story, in the context of actual voudu magic, where she was called to be a cheval channel for the loa of sex to oppose the loa of death.

lee4hmz · 2013-07-10 03:19:16

Odradek said:
The FIRST FUCKING PAGE.

whoreswhoreswhoreswhoreswhores

:(

What's with those fasho continuity nietzschecomix? OR Odradek reads New 52

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