the worst resume in the universe

Comments

• Salix Babylonika

  2013-03-21 20:58:38

  https://i.imgur.com/IoGc2jA.jpg

  OK
• ProfessorGator

  2013-03-21 21:00:04

  Remember back in the 50s when they'd record like Elvis singing YOU AIN'T NOTHIN BUT A HOUND DOG and then they'd turn the record over and reverse it and it was all NYERP NYERP NYERP NYERP NYERP and people were all like, "That is actually the voice of Satan coming from that song."

  How did they get the Hyrule Historia background to print it on, I wonder?
• Justice4243

  2013-03-21 22:26:45

  READ MY CROSS SHIPPING-FANFICTION, DAMMIT!
  
  i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
  

  Well...it'll stand out from the other applicants, I'll give it that... I'm not sure what perspective employer has the fortitude to go beyond half-way through page three.

   

  I suppose if she's applying to a gaming or comic book store, she might actually have a decent chance.  
• Yarrun XIX

  2013-03-21 22:33:16

  Whores! we want "poems that kill."
  Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
  guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
  and take their weapons leaving them dead

  I'll be frank, the thing that surprised me was 'church experience'
  
  Also, the low grade in Maths (Maths? Man, you British people and your spellings)
  
• Beholder

  2013-03-21 22:34:17

  Well, at least it is better than the cookie-cutter (what is cookie-cutter, anyway? I've never seen one) drab plain and utterly unremarkable CVs I tend to write.
  
• ProfessorGator

  2013-03-21 22:35:12

  Remember back in the 50s when they'd record like Elvis singing YOU AIN'T NOTHIN BUT A HOUND DOG and then they'd turn the record over and reverse it and it was all NYERP NYERP NYERP NYERP NYERP and people were all like, "That is actually the voice of Satan coming from that song."

  It's "Maths" in French, too.
• Imipolex G

  2013-03-21 22:38:01

  Touch the cow. Do it now.
  

  I couldn't get past the second page
  
  But it amuses me that stuff like this apparently exists (if this is not a fake)
  
• lee4hmz

  2013-03-21 22:49:37

  ⚠ THIS MACHINE KILLS FASCISTS

  Yeah, this is setting off my "not sure if srs" alarm like what.
• glennmagusharvey

  2013-03-22 00:59:40

  Poe's Revolving Door tells me not bet on either fake or real.
  
• Viani

  2013-03-22 05:31:46

  ☭ B̤̺͍̰͕̺̠̕u҉̖͙̝̮͕̲ͅm̟̼̦̠̹̙p͡s̹͖ ̻T́h̗̫͈̙̩r̮e̴̩̺̖̠̭̜ͅa̛̪̟͍̣͎͖̺d͉̦͠s͕̞͚̲͍ ̲̬̹̤Y̻̤̱o̭͠u̥͉̥̜͡ ̴̥̪D̳̲̳̤o̴͙̘͓̤̟̗͇n̰̗̞̼̳͙͖͢'҉͖t̳͓̣͍̗̰ ͉W̝̳͓̼͜a̗͉̳͖̘̮n͕ͅt͚̟͚ ̸̺T̜̖̖̺͎̱ͅo̭̪̰̼̥̜ ̼͍̟̝R̝̹̮̭ͅͅe̡̗͇a͍̘̤͉͘d̼̜  ⚢

  

  What's a CV
  
• ProfessorGator

  2013-03-22 10:37:22

  Remember back in the 50s when they'd record like Elvis singing YOU AIN'T NOTHIN BUT A HOUND DOG and then they'd turn the record over and reverse it and it was all NYERP NYERP NYERP NYERP NYERP and people were all like, "That is actually the voice of Satan coming from that song."

  Curriculum Vitae

  
  

  Basically, a resume.
• Yarrun XIX

  2013-03-22 10:40:51

  Whores! we want "poems that kill."
  Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
  guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
  and take their weapons leaving them dead

  I think what I would do if I was an employed would be this:
  
  I'd invite her to a meeting, tell her that this is the silliest thing that I've seen in 25 years of bookkeeping, whaling, mercenary work and management, and start her off in the mail room on the grounds that she puts as much effort into her work as she put into making this.
  
• glennmagusharvey

  2013-03-22 12:37:39

  A curriculum vitae is basically a very detailed resume listing everything you've ever done (within relevance).  People in academia use this more often.
  
• Justice4243

  2013-03-23 11:00:32

  READ MY CROSS SHIPPING-FANFICTION, DAMMIT!
  
  i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
  

  Interesting that she currently looks to be employed, though I'm guessing it isn't steady work.