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How to fix the Micheal Bay Line of Transformers Movies
Megan Fox Fanservice: This could be addressed in two ways. One, remove Megan Fox from the Transformer movies. While admittedly she is attractive, she doesn't improve the movie. Two, is replace Megan Fox with a transformer, preferably an autobot, and continue the story with the autobot doing the same things as Megan Fox did in the movie. Even with the parts where Sam is being seduced, because since it's an autobot it would be perfectly okay. This could also fuel attention rivalries betweeen Bumblebee and this new sex robot that is on-screen without getting in the way of the action.
Military Overeffectiveness: As much as the director likes to pay homages to the real-life military force we have, they should not be able to destroy the decepticons as easily as they could. It should revolve around the first scene of the movie where they didn't stand a chance and a single mook decepticon could obliterate an entire military base by themselves, which would make the Autobots more important in the story. You could invoke this by letting the military have politics get in the way, which is what actually happens in real life, since the military can't make quick expensive actions against giant alien robots without congress' approval, just like in real life.
Lack of Cooperative Decepticons: It is nice that the decepticons communicate with each other in their own language. The only problem is that I don't know anything about these guys except their names and their vehicle forms. Devastator is a tank, and that's all of the ones I remember. From what I understood, the Decepticons were also a team of robots who were deadly because they didn't go into battle like wild animals and do whatever the hell they wanted and ignored each other's existences. The movie could improve by having peptalks and evil preperation discussions between all of the robots, and even have some of the decepticons talk shit about the autobots and point out flaws or insults about their enemies. I think Starscream would be a more enjoyable character if he constantly reminded Ironhide that he was a GMC Truck, and not a military vehicle, and how his gas mileage would be horrible which could lead to some premature ejaculation jokes. Blackout (the black colored helicopter that owned the military base in Iraq) could continue to troll the military because of how underprepared and weak they were, even if they posed no threat. Frenzy (the wacky stereo robot) could invade the hiding places of the humans and fuck their shit up.
Lack of Whateverthehelltheywerecalleds
I can't remember what they were, but my friend told me about them once, that they were smaller versions of the decepticons/autobots that were neutral but powered up the bigger ones to be stronger. We need more of those, just because having RC cars power up a Tank or an assault helicopter or a Chevy.....thing, would be kind of cool. And this movie is supposed to be about cool so yeah.
Remove the Linkin Park Song at the End: As much as the guitaring was helpful of Optimus Prime's speech at the end of the movie, we don't need to listen to post-00 alternative music singing at the end of the movie, and not only that, it pussifies everything the Autobots done as some kind of "we are inferior but with teamwork (AND THE HELP OF THE AWESOME AMERICAN MILITARY WHICH KILLED MOST OF THE ENEMIES FOR US) we can prevail" thing. Chevelle would be more fitting, or Rev Theory or Shinedown.
Remove the Cop Bullshit: The scene where Sam gets interrogated by the dick cop about dog pills was annoying to watch. We don't need to be reminded about dick cops on a movie about robots, unless the dick cop is actually...what was his name now...Barricade I think? The cop car that was beating the shit out of Sam under the bridge would make a perfect cop dick, and he did the moment he spoke. That's all the dick cop we need in the movie.
Let Spielberg have more Creative Freedom in the Movie Next Time: His take on the movie had less of the things I was complaining about (military shtuffs based on the GI Joe crossover things), and it would have been closer to a "kid's toy movie", which...would have been better?
This is all based on the first movie since I haven't watched the 2nd or 3rd yet.
Military Overeffectiveness: As much as the director likes to pay homages to the real-life military force we have, they should not be able to destroy the decepticons as easily as they could. It should revolve around the first scene of the movie where they didn't stand a chance and a single mook decepticon could obliterate an entire military base by themselves, which would make the Autobots more important in the story. You could invoke this by letting the military have politics get in the way, which is what actually happens in real life, since the military can't make quick expensive actions against giant alien robots without congress' approval, just like in real life.
Lack of Cooperative Decepticons: It is nice that the decepticons communicate with each other in their own language. The only problem is that I don't know anything about these guys except their names and their vehicle forms. Devastator is a tank, and that's all of the ones I remember. From what I understood, the Decepticons were also a team of robots who were deadly because they didn't go into battle like wild animals and do whatever the hell they wanted and ignored each other's existences. The movie could improve by having peptalks and evil preperation discussions between all of the robots, and even have some of the decepticons talk shit about the autobots and point out flaws or insults about their enemies. I think Starscream would be a more enjoyable character if he constantly reminded Ironhide that he was a GMC Truck, and not a military vehicle, and how his gas mileage would be horrible which could lead to some premature ejaculation jokes. Blackout (the black colored helicopter that owned the military base in Iraq) could continue to troll the military because of how underprepared and weak they were, even if they posed no threat. Frenzy (the wacky stereo robot) could invade the hiding places of the humans and fuck their shit up.
Lack of Whateverthehelltheywerecalleds
I can't remember what they were, but my friend told me about them once, that they were smaller versions of the decepticons/autobots that were neutral but powered up the bigger ones to be stronger. We need more of those, just because having RC cars power up a Tank or an assault helicopter or a Chevy.....thing, would be kind of cool. And this movie is supposed to be about cool so yeah.
Remove the Linkin Park Song at the End: As much as the guitaring was helpful of Optimus Prime's speech at the end of the movie, we don't need to listen to post-00 alternative music singing at the end of the movie, and not only that, it pussifies everything the Autobots done as some kind of "we are inferior but with teamwork (AND THE HELP OF THE AWESOME AMERICAN MILITARY WHICH KILLED MOST OF THE ENEMIES FOR US) we can prevail" thing. Chevelle would be more fitting, or Rev Theory or Shinedown.
Remove the Cop Bullshit: The scene where Sam gets interrogated by the dick cop about dog pills was annoying to watch. We don't need to be reminded about dick cops on a movie about robots, unless the dick cop is actually...what was his name now...Barricade I think? The cop car that was beating the shit out of Sam under the bridge would make a perfect cop dick, and he did the moment he spoke. That's all the dick cop we need in the movie.
Let Spielberg have more Creative Freedom in the Movie Next Time: His take on the movie had less of the things I was complaining about (military shtuffs based on the GI Joe crossover things), and it would have been closer to a "kid's toy movie", which...would have been better?
This is all based on the first movie since I haven't watched the 2nd or 3rd yet.
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Comments
大學的年同性戀毛皮
aaaaa
☭
B̤̺͍̰͕̺̠̕u҉̖͙̝̮͕̲ͅm̟̼̦̠̹̙p͡s̹͖ ̻T́h̗̫͈̙̩r̮e̴̩̺̖̠̭̜ͅa̛̪̟͍̣͎͖̺d͉̦͠s͕̞͚̲͍ ̲̬̹̤Y̻̤̱o̭͠u̥͉̥̜͡ ̴̥̪D̳̲̳̤o̴͙̘͓̤̟̗͇n̰̗̞̼̳͙͖͢'҉͖t̳͓̣͍̗̰ ͉W̝̳͓̼͜a̗͉̳͖̘̮n͕ͅt͚̟͚ ̸̺T̜̖̖̺͎̱ͅo̭̪̰̼̥̜ ̼͍̟̝R̝̹̮̭ͅͅe̡̗͇a͍̘̤͉͘d̼̜ 
⚢
i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
☭
B̤̺͍̰͕̺̠̕u҉̖͙̝̮͕̲ͅm̟̼̦̠̹̙p͡s̹͖ ̻T́h̗̫͈̙̩r̮e̴̩̺̖̠̭̜ͅa̛̪̟͍̣͎͖̺d͉̦͠s͕̞͚̲͍ ̲̬̹̤Y̻̤̱o̭͠u̥͉̥̜͡ ̴̥̪D̳̲̳̤o̴͙̘͓̤̟̗͇n̰̗̞̼̳͙͖͢'҉͖t̳͓̣͍̗̰ ͉W̝̳͓̼͜a̗͉̳͖̘̮n͕ͅt͚̟͚ ̸̺T̜̖̖̺͎̱ͅo̭̪̰̼̥̜ ̼͍̟̝R̝̹̮̭ͅͅe̡̗͇a͍̘̤͉͘d̼̜ 
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The unveiling of Megatron was a plus anyway, because it made him feel more forboding for being a sleeping tyrant that was about to be awoken, and gave him that dramatic entrance that did scare the shit out of the autobots anyway.
Then again I am neither nostalgic for Transformers nor a giant Transformers nerd, but I was wishing for a earthly giant robot movie that kicked ass, and for now, next to The Iron Giant this is the only one out there that I like.
The only manner I am familiar with it is the cartoon blurps that I hear from time to time.
i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
☭
B̤̺͍̰͕̺̠̕u҉̖͙̝̮͕̲ͅm̟̼̦̠̹̙p͡s̹͖ ̻T́h̗̫͈̙̩r̮e̴̩̺̖̠̭̜ͅa̛̪̟͍̣͎͖̺d͉̦͠s͕̞͚̲͍ ̲̬̹̤Y̻̤̱o̭͠u̥͉̥̜͡ ̴̥̪D̳̲̳̤o̴͙̘͓̤̟̗͇n̰̗̞̼̳͙͖͢'҉͖t̳͓̣͍̗̰ ͉W̝̳͓̼͜a̗͉̳͖̘̮n͕ͅt͚̟͚ ̸̺T̜̖̖̺͎̱ͅo̭̪̰̼̥̜ ̼͍̟̝R̝̹̮̭ͅͅe̡̗͇a͍̘̤͉͘d̼̜ 
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Also, who the hell was the Drill Scorpion Decepticon from the first movie?
i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
☭
B̤̺͍̰͕̺̠̕u҉̖͙̝̮͕̲ͅm̟̼̦̠̹̙p͡s̹͖ ̻T́h̗̫͈̙̩r̮e̴̩̺̖̠̭̜ͅa̛̪̟͍̣͎͖̺d͉̦͠s͕̞͚̲͍ ̲̬̹̤Y̻̤̱o̭͠u̥͉̥̜͡ ̴̥̪D̳̲̳̤o̴͙̘͓̤̟̗͇n̰̗̞̼̳͙͖͢'҉͖t̳͓̣͍̗̰ ͉W̝̳͓̼͜a̗͉̳͖̘̮n͕ͅt͚̟͚ ̸̺T̜̖̖̺͎̱ͅo̭̪̰̼̥̜ ̼͍̟̝R̝̹̮̭ͅͅe̡̗͇a͍̘̤͉͘d̼̜ 
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And are there two different Devastators? Because there's the one from the first movie, who is just a tank, but apparently there is a super-giant battleship Devastator too, right?
i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
☭
B̤̺͍̰͕̺̠̕u҉̖͙̝̮͕̲ͅm̟̼̦̠̹̙p͡s̹͖ ̻T́h̗̫͈̙̩r̮e̴̩̺̖̠̭̜ͅa̛̪̟͍̣͎͖̺d͉̦͠s͕̞͚̲͍ ̲̬̹̤Y̻̤̱o̭͠u̥͉̥̜͡ ̴̥̪D̳̲̳̤o̴͙̘͓̤̟̗͇n̰̗̞̼̳͙͖͢'҉͖t̳͓̣͍̗̰ ͉W̝̳͓̼͜a̗͉̳͖̘̮n͕ͅt͚̟͚ ̸̺T̜̖̖̺͎̱ͅo̭̪̰̼̥̜ ̼͍̟̝R̝̹̮̭ͅͅe̡̗͇a͍̘̤͉͘d̼̜ 
⚢
i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
☭
B̤̺͍̰͕̺̠̕u҉̖͙̝̮͕̲ͅm̟̼̦̠̹̙p͡s̹͖ ̻T́h̗̫͈̙̩r̮e̴̩̺̖̠̭̜ͅa̛̪̟͍̣͎͖̺d͉̦͠s͕̞͚̲͍ ̲̬̹̤Y̻̤̱o̭͠u̥͉̥̜͡ ̴̥̪D̳̲̳̤o̴͙̘͓̤̟̗͇n̰̗̞̼̳͙͖͢'҉͖t̳͓̣͍̗̰ ͉W̝̳͓̼͜a̗͉̳͖̘̮n͕ͅt͚̟͚ ̸̺T̜̖̖̺͎̱ͅo̭̪̰̼̥̜ ̼͍̟̝R̝̹̮̭ͅͅe̡̗͇a͍̘̤͉͘d̼̜ 
⚢
大學的年同性戀毛皮
aaaaa
i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
☭
B̤̺͍̰͕̺̠̕u҉̖͙̝̮͕̲ͅm̟̼̦̠̹̙p͡s̹͖ ̻T́h̗̫͈̙̩r̮e̴̩̺̖̠̭̜ͅa̛̪̟͍̣͎͖̺d͉̦͠s͕̞͚̲͍ ̲̬̹̤Y̻̤̱o̭͠u̥͉̥̜͡ ̴̥̪D̳̲̳̤o̴͙̘͓̤̟̗͇n̰̗̞̼̳͙͖͢'҉͖t̳͓̣͍̗̰ ͉W̝̳͓̼͜a̗͉̳͖̘̮n͕ͅt͚̟͚ ̸̺T̜̖̖̺͎̱ͅo̭̪̰̼̥̜ ̼͍̟̝R̝̹̮̭ͅͅe̡̗͇a͍̘̤͉͘d̼̜ 
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I know the thing that'll fix EVERYTHING!
SG Ravage.
"o hai, audience! do you see me waving???"
I actually thought the third was alright, but my expectations were incredibly low, so just by virtue of being better than the second one it was an improvement. I liked the big burrowing Decepticon, that was cool, and actually kind of menacing. Was still completely stupid from start to finish, though.
i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis
☭
B̤̺͍̰͕̺̠̕u҉̖͙̝̮͕̲ͅm̟̼̦̠̹̙p͡s̹͖ ̻T́h̗̫͈̙̩r̮e̴̩̺̖̠̭̜ͅa̛̪̟͍̣͎͖̺d͉̦͠s͕̞͚̲͍ ̲̬̹̤Y̻̤̱o̭͠u̥͉̥̜͡ ̴̥̪D̳̲̳̤o̴͙̘͓̤̟̗͇n̰̗̞̼̳͙͖͢'҉͖t̳͓̣͍̗̰ ͉W̝̳͓̼͜a̗͉̳͖̘̮n͕ͅt͚̟͚ ̸̺T̜̖̖̺͎̱ͅo̭̪̰̼̥̜ ̼͍̟̝R̝̹̮̭ͅͅe̡̗͇a͍̘̤͉͘d̼̜ 
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i get so angry sometimes i just punch plankton --Klinotaxis