A Romantic Tale of Corporate Greed; also a Penguin

Princess Alice · 2012-11-20 02:40:20

by Central Avenue, age 10

One day a gentleman named Sam wanted to go to Macy's. But Sam was unable to make it to Macy's, as the traffic light at 34th Street and 7th Avenue was stuck on red all four directions, causing cars and pedestrians to back up for miles. Sam used his special iPhone 3GS to call Mayor Bloomberg and inform him of the broken traffic light. Mayor Bloomberg immediately dispatched his special Traffic Control Brigade, consisting of Rainbow Dash, Anarchy Stocking, and Hermione Granger.

Since traffic was backed up in every direction, the only way the team could arrive was if Stocking and Hermione rode on Rainbow Dash's back. So they did that. Upon arriving at the scene, Stocking donned a fluorescent yellow-green safety vest and began directing traffic while Dash and Hermione attempted to fix the broken signals.

"It did the same thing last week," said Rainbow Dash. "It just needs a little kick!" She immediately flew over to the signal controller cabinet and bucked it with her hind legs. However, she just ended up breaking it and all the traffic lights went dark.

"Now look what you've done!" said Hermione.

"What? They're not stuck on red anymore!" said Rainbow Dash. "Now get on my back and we can go home."

Hermione groaned. "Let me try, then," she said. She took out her wand, pointed it at the controller cabinet, and recited a spell.

The traffic lights immediately lit back up, except this time they were stuck on green in all four directions, and that's kinda bad. Rainbow Dash quickly pulled Stocking out of the intersection before the cars in the intersection predictably collided.

"Excuse me," said a boy's voice. "I couldn't help noticing your dilemma."

The three Traffic Control Specialists turned to one of the crashed cars. Inside was Encyclopedia Brown.

"My name's Leroy," he said. "And I think I know the one thing about traffic signal repair that you all forgot! Also, please call 911."

What one thing about traffic signal repair did they all forget?

(Turn to the next post for the solution to the Case of the Overpriced Panties.)

Princess Alice · 2012-11-20 02:40:31

Solution to the Case of the Overpriced Panties

Encyclopedia knew that the only way to repair a New York City traffic light that had been damaged by a pegasus was to have the virgin princess press the crosswalk button at exactly midnight.

That night, Rainbow Dash returned with Central Avenue, who waited until exactly 12:00:00 AM on Stocking's cell phone clock, then pressed the button to cross 34th Street. The traffic light immediately started working properly again, though the damn thing didn't give Princess Centie the walk sign because crosswalk buttons never work. So she just used Princess Magic to teleport inside Macy's instead.

So once again, the day is saved, thanks to Mayor Bloomberg's Traffic Control Brigade!

Anonus · 2012-11-20 02:43:08

you like hermione granger a lot, don't you

also WHERE THE FUCK ARE SPACE GHOST AND DONNA NOBLE AND SOKKA

Princess Alice · 2012-11-20 02:45:39

Hermione Granger is my favorite

Also, silly, they couldn't arrive in time for the story because of the traffic jam

Anonus · 2012-11-20 02:48:03

Well if Sokka had his space sword he could cut through the traffic

And can't Space Ghost fly?

Princess Alice · 2012-11-20 02:48:54

Well then

Maybe you should write a sequel!

Justice4243 · 2012-11-20 02:54:45

Well if Sokka had his space sword he could cut through the traffic

And can't Space Ghost fly?

Anonus · 2012-11-20 03:12:39

Chicken's legs are so skinny

You know an episode about his desire for man-legs doesn't seem unlike Cow and Chicken

Why must this guilty pleasure be so POTENT