you bich

glennmagusharvey · 2012-09-19 22:51:04

you crashed my fuucking car
you ass hole

Unknown · 2012-09-19 22:55:16

The user and all related content has been deleted.

glennmagusharvey · 2012-09-20 06:14:21

you fuucking broke my car

get out of my fuucking car

get out

you did it

did it did it did it did it I did it you did it we did it

ebay hoses ebay hoses ebay hoses ebay hoses

Haven · 2012-09-20 06:32:02

434 ZHJ

by Anders Sandberg

Marauders are by definition unpredictable, but often their servants are even more dangerous. And sometimes they even turn their victims into servants; 434 ZHJ is a horrific example.

What most mages first notice is the smoke; it smells of blood. Then the roaring noise. Then it suddenly appears out of the shadows, shredding, devouring and destroying. Shocked survivors tell confusing stories about a man-car descending upon them, impaling flesh upon rusty pipes and shafts and drinking the gushing blood through what could be a mouth, or could be a motor hood with teeth.

The story behind this umbral terror is known to only the Marauders and 434 ZHJ itself. Several years ago a cabal of Bai Dai descended upon a small British village, rending reality with Paradox and dragging the buildings screaming into the Deep Umbra. Among the victims was also another kind of being than the wailing and easily shattered sleepers, a vampire. When the Bai Dai found the frenzied man-beast they immediately took a liking to him and decided to reward him for his hunger. They took a car that had followed the buildings into the Abyss and merged the screaming undead with it, filling its tanks with blood and paradox. Then they left it, too involved with ruthlessly exterminating the number three from reality to care about what they had done.

Seven months and seven days later 434 ZHJ broke through the Gauntlet in a night-club in Soho, killing 5 people before being driven back by a paradox backlash. A few hours later a baglady witnessed how something awful crashed through one wall in a back alley, collapsed into a bloody pile on the ground, and then jumped into the sky roaring like a lion. Since then 434 ZHJ has appeared in the most unlikely places, breaking the Gauntlet to attack people and then withdrawing as paradox caught up with it.

Appearance: A huge hybrid between car, man and beast. 434 ZHJ is over three meters tall when it stands up, and masses at least a ton. Its consists of a warped mixture of undead flesh, rusty car parts and dirt, dripping blood, oil and smoke. Its arms and legs end in broken wheels and metal claws. Its body is partially human, partially a car, ending in a huge head dominated by a gaping mouth/hood filled with metal teeth and a roaring engine that massacres any flesh it bites on. Instead of eyes it has two powerful red lights.

Sometimes 434 ZHJ walks like a man, sometimes it bounds like a tiger and sometimes it moves like a car. No man can outrun it in an open area, and in enclosed spaces it can easily reach out with its claws and pipes. It is hideously strong, and its metal-flesh is highly resistant to damage. Even worse, it can heal itself using the blood and flesh it devours.

Str (machine): 7 Cha: - Per: 2
Dex: 3 Man: - Int: 1
Sta (metal): 5 App: - Wit: 4

Alertness: 3
Brawl: 4
Intimidation (bestial) 6
Drive (self): 4
Repair: 2

Willpower: 5
Arete: 5

The metal flesh corresponds to three automatic successes on the soak roll. To affect it, Matter combined with Life is needed.

434 ZHJ has rusty iron claws, doing Str + 3 damage, a fanged hood (Str + 2 damage, each health level damage gives it a blood point) and various loose shafts, pipes, sharp edges and doors (Str damage, difficulty 5 to hit. The pipes can drain blood).

Powers

Umbral Breach

434 ZHJ can crash through the Gauntlet, opening a temporary portal. This damages it somewhat, giving it half the gauntlet thickness health levels damage.

Blind

By shining its lights straight into the eyes of a victim, it can temporarily blind the victim. This increases all difficulties with 5. The victim has to succeed with wits + alertness with difficulty 7 to look away in time, each success decreases the difficulty by one.

Regrow

Each bloodpoint (roughly equal to one damage level) it ingests, it can heal itself one level. It can also add bloodpoints temporarily to its physical attributes, raising them for the duration of the scene.

lee4hmz · 2012-09-21 00:41:56

foch you bich

glennmagusharvey · 2012-09-21 01:58:26

you...you...TRIPLANE FOKKER

RocketRunner · 2012-09-21 02:22:11

^^Get focht.

Viani · 2012-09-22 04:22:35

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

glennmagusharvey · 2012-09-22 05:04:59

999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999 999

RocketRunner · 2012-09-22 05:18:38

^^AEIOU

Tre · 2012-09-22 10:13:01

and sometimes, Y

Imipolex G · 2012-09-22 10:38:47

666 666 666 666 666 666

Tre · 2012-09-22 11:07:42

Have a heart, have a heart, have a heart
16, 666 like a heart attack
we form a telepath
and I'm aware of that
but we could fist fight drunk like the Parent Trap

Imipolex G · 2012-09-22 11:31:38

Amazon.com, I don't really care if there's a new Carly Rae Jespen album, you don't need to email me about it.

-The Insufferable Jackass

ProfessorGator · 2012-09-22 11:42:53

SNAPE KILLS DUMBLEDORE ON PAGE 606

Imipolex G · 2012-09-22 12:02:39

Thanks for ruining the book, man!

Unknown · 2012-09-22 12:47:32

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Viani · 2012-09-22 12:48:23

Thanks to internet trolls I now know everything that happens in the last book of the Harry Potter series.

Unknown · 2012-09-22 12:50:17

The user and all related content has been deleted.

Viani · 2012-09-22 12:53:41

because there were a ton of harry potter fans, and a couple of trolls spoiled the last book during the private pre-release, which caused an asian girl to commit suicide.

Corporal Forsythe · 2012-09-22 12:55:06

I must wonder why spoiling Harry Potter was such a source of amusement to them?

Harry Potter book release: don't worry, no spoilers.

Showed up at seven, in full costume for a nine am release. Devoted no? I was one of the few to dress up, and I was the best-dressed. I'm not being vain, I honestly had the most detailed and accurate costume there.

We were told in line, that the best-dressed person in line gets to open the box and have the first Half-Blood Prince book. So, I'm a shoo-in, aren't I?

WRONG.

fucking moo brings her bratty sprog in at 8:59am dressed in a generic Kmart cape with stars and glitter and fucking gaudy BLAH. Twig for a wand.

OMG WITTLE PWESHUS SO CUTE OMG YOU CAN OPEN THE BOX AND HAVE THIS BOOK YOU CAN'T READ AND *fawning fawning, blatant breederism etc*

THE FUCKING KID WON'T EVEN REMEMBER THIS. THE BOX OPENING WAS MINE. MIIIIINE.

I wouldn't have minded if someone had said "Oh look Sass, you are best-dressed but would you mind if this land-mine amputee opened the box instead?" I would have said "Absolutely no problem. Go for it." But no. FUCKING CROTCHDROPPING GETS THE HONOUR. I'm furious. On principle of course, not out of any sense of entitlement. Well yes, entitlement also. But I WORKED FOR IT, I DESERVED IT.

I made an effort. I spent money making an effort. I showed up early. I will remember and treasure this event for ever and eternity. And I'm passed over for an ugly little brat with a sparkly tie. Woo loving woo.

I didn't stab her in the eye with my wand. I WANTED to. I talked about doing so VERY FUCKING LOUDLY. I was going to eviscerate her mother with the cover of my brand-new copy.

I fucking hate breeders and child-lovers. FUCKING GO TO HELL.

I'm so pissed about this, sorry. It's just that in ten years time, this kid won't remember what she was doing on July 16th 2005. In ten years time, I will be remembering how I was deprived of this nerdly honor by an opportunistic twat breeder and her shitling. I'm hurt. All my life, nothing has gotten to me more than being deliberately ignored, or passed over. Honestly; that's the sort of thing that can make me cry in public. Or key your car. Or viciously murder you and your family in the heat of frustration and never-ending denial

Congratulations breeders, you win.

Edited to add: To all of you who are calling me immature etc, I'd like to add that you make a very good point, but have you considered GO FUCK YOURSELF? If you're so anal-retentive, go back to the other community and go on with your breeder-humping.

Unknown · 2012-09-22 12:55:25

The user and all related content has been deleted.

Unknown · 2012-09-22 12:56:08

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ProfessorGator · 2012-09-22 13:10:08

Like I said in the main thread a few weeks ago, the Harry Potter fandom was oddly overflowing with drama in the mid-2000s.

Unknown · 2012-09-22 13:27:25

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Corporal Forsythe · 2012-09-22 13:32:45

Those people out trolling weren't doing so to make children cry. It was to make manchildren cry

Unknown · 2012-09-22 18:41:35

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Viani · 2012-09-23 04:11:58

so manwomenchildren cry?

Obā-san · 2012-09-23 10:27:06

Corporal Forsythe said:
Those people out trolling weren't doing so to make children cry. It was to make manchildren cry

Is there any other point to trolling?

Sredni Vashtar · 2012-09-23 12:34:47

Mr. Truant said:

Corporal Forsythe said:
Those people out trolling weren't doing so to make children cry. It was to make manchildren cry

Is there any other point to trolling?

To make manchildren break their computers in rage.

Obā-san · 2012-09-23 13:08:25

Sredni Vashtar said:

Mr. Truant said:

Corporal Forsythe said:
Those people out trolling weren't doing so to make children cry. It was to make manchildren cry

Is there any other point to trolling?
To make manchildren break their computers in rage.

Also self-validation for the pathetic.

Corporal Forsythe · 2012-09-23 13:20:49

*trolls u*

Gelzo · 2012-09-23 13:52:35

Trolling is what happens when the desire to become the focus of a person's emotions overtakes empathy and shame.

Unknown · 2012-09-23 17:07:07

The user and all related content has been deleted.

Obā-san · 2012-09-23 17:10:51

In my experience trolling is virtually always an attempt at covering up one's own insecurities.

If people are well adjusted they try to ignore stuff they don't like, or state that they don't like it and ask people not to do it.

Unknown · 2012-09-23 17:13:33

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Obā-san · 2012-09-23 17:15:31

Frosty said:
Or schadenfreude.

Unknown · 2012-09-23 17:17:11

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Obā-san · 2012-09-23 17:23:54

Shcadenfreude is more specific, it is pleasure in another's misfortunes.

Like for example: Say you were jealous of someone's new car, and then it breaks down, and you have yourself a little chuckle when you hear the news.

Unknown · 2012-09-23 18:21:10

The user and all related content has been deleted.

Obā-san · 2012-09-23 18:54:29

Sadism would work, but it has rather heavy sexual connotations.

Corporal Forsythe · 2012-09-23 18:55:54

well if the internet has proven anything, it's that people can be aroused by everything

Unknown · 2012-09-23 18:56:39

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Obā-san · 2012-09-23 18:56:50

Corporal Forsythe said:
well if the internet has proven anything, it's that people can be aroused by everything

indeedy

I bet De Sade would have loved the internet.

I wonder if he would have a blog...

Unknown · 2012-09-23 18:58:27

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Salix Babylonika · 2012-09-23 18:58:55

Mr. Truant said:
Like for example: Say you were jealous of someone's new car, and then it breaks down

Now I--STARSCREAM!--am leader of the Decepticons!

Justice4243 · 2012-09-30 20:21:33

"He does this everyday, don't worry, Megatron will come back in some form or another and put everything back in its place...aaaaany second now...aaaaaaany moment now...

...slag."

glennmagusharvey · 2012-10-04 04:13:28

See!...red!...no wait, that's blood.

Sredni Vashtar · 2012-10-04 07:59:20

Mr. Truant said: Corporal Forsythe said:well if the internet has proven anything, it's that people can be aroused by everything

indeedy

I bet De Sade would have loved the internet.

I wonder if he would have a blog...

De Sade would be like one of those really inflammatory political bloggers, but way, way kinkier and infinitely more amusing (knowingly).

you bich

Comments

434 ZHJ

Powers

Umbral Breach

Blind

Regrow

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