In which Central Avenue riffs on Train lyrics

Princess Alice · 2012-06-27 22:26:20

My mother and I were talking about Train the other day and we agreed that, well, their lyrics are very awkward. So why not make a post on the Internet in which I mock them? It's not as if I've anything better to do with my time.

Let's touch on their biggest hits, in chronological order:

"Meet Virginia" (1999)

Well she wants to be the Queen
Then she thinks about her scene
Pulls her hair back as she screams
"I don't really wanna be the Queen"

Ok, go ahead and rhyme "queen" with "queen".

Alright, alright, I see what you were going for; a poetic sort of repetition. It doesn't quite do it for me, but I'll give you points for effort.

Well she wants to live her life
Then she thinks about her life
Pulls her hair back, as she screams
"I don't really wanna live this life"

Oh, come on, you're not even trying! I refuse to believe that you could not think of a single word to rhyme with "life"!

The repetition doesn't even save this one, for me. I mean, repetition can be done well, but...here it's just bland.

"Drops of Jupiter (Tell Me)" (2001)

Train cleverly decided to go a different route with this one: use metaphors and figurative language so abstract that the lyrics don't really have to make sense. For example:

Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey

See? That actually kinda works!

Even so, though, some of these lyrics...well, they just sound silly:

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you
Even when I know you're wrong

Yep, I sure know that when I think of deep, emotional concepts like love and pride, my next thought is fried chicken. Colonel Sanders, you hold a special place in my heart. Or rather, my arteries.

"Calling All Angels" (2003)

I don't have anything to say about this one, really. It's just...bland.

It's the kind of generic adult alternative song that got massive radio play when it was new only for everyone to forget about it a couple years later. And that's really the biggest problem with "Calling All Angels"...it's just not memorable. Hell, I probably wouldn't remember this song if I didn't associate it with a 2003 family vacation!

"Hey, Soul Sister" (2009)

Hey, Soul Sister, ain't that Mr. Mister on the radio, stereo
The way you move ain't fair, you know

...Really? Okay, yes, I acknowledge that there aren't many words that rhyme with "sister". But still...Mr. Mister? (a) Half the people listening to this on their pop stations are too young to even get that reference, and (b) Mr. Mister--for me at least--doesn't exactly bring to mind a romantic mood. Granted, their only songs I know are "Kyrie" and "Broken Wings", so maybe I'm off-base, but...still.

Also, it it just me, or would the chorus have worked just as well without "stereo" stuck in there? I realized a while ago that whenever I sing this song, I leave out "stereo" and it doesn't seem to throw the meter off at all.

Hey soul sister, I don't wanna miss a single thing you do...tonight

This isn't really a problem with this particular song so much as it is with pop music in general: Does it seem like "tonight" is the Top 40 songwriter's go-to filler word? Think of all the songs you know that have "tonight" somewhere in the lyrics. Now think of how many of those songs' meanings would be changed if the word "tonight" weren't there. Not many, is it?

"Drive By" (2012)

Just a shy guy looking for a two-ply
Hefty bag to hold my love

Do I even have to say anything about this one? Aside from the fact that garbage bags aren't romantic in the slightest, it's just plain silly. Was the songwriter going for humor there? If they were, it really doesn't come through to me.

Oh, and before I forget...are two-ply garbage bags even a thing? I've used Hefty brand bags before, and all of them were a single layer of thicker plastic, not two layers of thinner plastic and WHY AM I OVERTHINKING THIS

On the other hand, though: the album cover has a very accurately-rendered California State Route spade:

Oh, road signs. You make everything better.

Imipolex G · 2012-06-27 22:29:04

Good post. I hate this band with every fiber of my being.

Salix Babylonika · 2012-06-27 22:29:22

I like Train.

Princess Alice · 2012-06-27 22:30:57

I don't dislike Train. "Drops of Jupiter (Tell Me)" is a guilty pleasure for me, but most of their other songs I find uninteresting or, in the case of "Drive By", outright annoying.

Salix Babylonika · 2012-06-27 22:32:33

I see.

Well, I disagree, but okay.

Imipolex G · 2012-06-27 22:37:58

I don't have anything to say about this one, really. It's just...bland.

It's the kind of generic adult alternative song that got massive radio play
when it was new only for everyone to forget about it a couple years
later. And that's really the biggest problem with "Calling All
Angels"...it's just not memorable.

This is what I think of their entire output.

Vriska · 2012-06-27 23:29:45

The fun thing to do with Train songs is try to interpret the lyrics literally and make the songs seem even more a8surd.

Like the line a8out the "lipstick stain on the front lo8e of my left side 8rain" in whichever song that's from (the soul sister one I think?).