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If I can damage a boss more than 12 different times without killing it, the game's title degrades

Ali_RozAli_Roz
edited 2024-05-15 03:17:22 in General Media
Like the title says.

If I can damage a boss more than twelve different times without killing it, the game is now DARK SOULS: [titleofgame] Edition.
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Comments

  • Ali_RozAli_Roz
    If there is no way to kill the final boss in four or fewer hits, the title gets degraded to DORK SOULS: [titleofgame] Edition.

    If at any point any enemy has more than one health bar, the title is degraded to DORKEST DUNGEON: [titleofgame] Special Bullcrud Edition.
  • Ali_RozAli_Roz
    If I can do no input and take more than four hits without dying, the game is downgraded to Mike Tyson's Punch-Out: DORKEST DANGRON: [titleofgame] Special Bullcrud Edition.

    If the game expects me to get emotionally invested in fully voice acted characters, it's Knights of the Dork Republic: MIKE DORKSON'S DORK-OUT: DORKEST DORKGEON: [titleofgame] Special Mega-Bullcrud Collector's Edition.

    If any of said voice-acted characters are shipped with the player character, "By Toby 'tubmlr(sic)' Fox and Chris 'retdit(sic)' Avellone" is appended to the end of the title.
  • Ali_RozAli_Roz
    If the game's artstyle is anime-esque, a "DORKY DORKY LITERATURE CLUB" is added in there somewhere.
  • Imipolex GImipolex G
    Touch the cow. Do it now.
    damage sponge bosses are not cool
  • Ali_RozAli_Roz
    edited 2024-05-17 22:31:10
    If I have to kill every enemy in every room before proceeding, the title is downgraded to Dorks of the Dork Dorkpublic: DORK DORKSON'S DORK-OUT: DORKEST DORKGEON: THE DORKENING OF DORKSAAC: [titleofgamefollowedby>:(] DORKY DORKY DORKATURE CLUB: TRULY HEINOUS ULTRA-SPECIAL MEGA-BULLCRUD COLLECTOR'S PLATINUM EDITION:  BY YO MOMMA AND YO DAD.

    If at any point an enemy changes behavior as a result of how much health it has left, every instance of "Dork" or "Dork" in the title is changed to "Stink" or "STINK", and the creator credits are changed to BY YO STINKY MOMMA AND YO STINKY DAD.
  • Imipolex GImipolex G
    Touch the cow. Do it now.
    ah, the occasional Kill Room never ruined any game yet
  • Ali_RozAli_Roz
    Imipolex G said:

    ah, the occasional Kill Room never ruined any game yet
    It's decreased the quality of every game that's included it, making it the David Bowie of game design.
  • Imipolex GImipolex G
    Touch the cow. Do it now.
    ....David Bowie never decreased the quality of anything I can think of
  • CalicaCalica
    Sup bitches, witches, Haters, and trolls.
    Ali_Roz said:

    Imipolex G said:

    ah, the occasional Kill Room never ruined any game yet
    It's decreased the quality of every game that's included it, making it the David Bowie of game design.
    this is the most bizarre comparison i've ever seen
  • Ali_RozAli_Roz
    Everything that includes David Bowie would be better if it did not include David Bowie.

    This makes him the equal and opposite energy of Dick Van Dyke; who improves everything.
  • Imipolex GImipolex G
    Touch the cow. Do it now.
    you are an alligator of strange opinions
  • Ali_RozAli_Roz
    If I not only have to kill every enemy in every room, but more enemies show up in each room after the room is cleared the first time, and there's no way to know if this will happen zero, one, or multiple times before the doors open, some further nonsense happens to the title, you know the drill.
  • Ali_RozAli_Roz
    If people say "you just have to memorize the boss patterns", run the title through a filter of Angrish.
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