I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!

KJI · 2012-03-30 21:45:35

Misery · 2012-03-30 21:46:15

BUTTER EVERYWHERE

O:

ProfessorGator · 2012-03-30 21:47:14

MADE WITH SWEET CREAM BUTTERMILK

KJI · 2012-03-30 21:49:55

You'd Butter Fucking Believe That It's Just Congealed Fat, You Shit-for-brains Consumer!

KJI · 2012-03-30 21:50:24

I Can't Seem To Recall If I've Used Enough Cheap Butter Substitute To Clog My Arteries Today

KJI · 2012-03-30 21:50:45

I Don't Think This Is Butter, Dear

KJI · 2012-03-30 21:51:01

Oh Christ, Whatever the Fuck This Is, It's Not Butter

KJI · 2012-03-30 21:51:33

Jesus, It's Moving? What the fucaaaAA nonononononononono shit shit no no no oh god

Justice4243 · 2012-03-30 21:52:27

"BUTTER EVERYWHERE"

Or IS it?!

"Could it be Butter?" is my favorite, like you need to purchase it to find out.

KJI · 2012-03-30 21:52:35

I Can't Believe We Spent Our Entire Goddamned Set of Liquid Assets Rebranding Ourselves As A Knockoff of a Butter Knockoff I'm Going To Kill Myself Now!

KJI · 2012-03-30 21:53:04

I Assume This Product Is Not Butter, Because Butter is More Expensive Than Margarine!

KJI · 2012-03-30 21:53:25

I Can't Believe It's Butter Because It's Not And We're Lying!

KJI · 2012-03-30 21:53:40

Who Fucking Cares It All Tastes the Same!

KJI · 2012-03-30 21:53:55

I Can't Believe I've Already Run The Joke Into the Ground!

Ombre_Morbide · 2012-03-30 22:02:25

I can.

ProfessorGator · 2012-03-30 22:02:49

70% VEGETABLE OIL

KJI · 2012-03-30 22:07:34

I Can't Believe We Found Enough Cow Hooves Lying Around The Factory Floor To Create Something Resembling Butter!

KJI · 2012-03-30 22:07:48

I Can't Believe It's Not An Orgy!

KJI · 2012-03-30 22:09:55

I Can't Believe You Would Cheat On Me Like This, You Fucking Slut! What The Fuck Is Wrong With You, You Goddamned Bitch! Yeah You Fucking Deserve This You Whore You Fucking Oh God The Gun No Your Chest What Did I Do No No I Can't Believe I Just Fucking Shot You I Can't Go To Jail I'll Off Mysel

Justice4243 · 2012-03-30 22:09:59

One must wonder who would actually purchase the last one and put it on their bread.

..or most of these, really.

KJI · 2012-03-30 22:11:21

I̟̺̜̙͉ Can't Believe It's Not Z̤̲̙̙͎̥̝A͎̣͔̙͘L̥̻̗̳̻̳̳͢G͉̖̯͓̞̩̦O̹̹̺!̙͈͎̞̬ *

Ombre_Morbide · 2012-03-30 22:12:51

Not even Inglip is safe.

ProfessorGator · 2012-03-30 22:14:02

I like how Move Over Butter has a Quality Seal around the lid. We assure you that whatever is in there is of such good quality that it should be sealed securely to maintain its richness.

Tre · 2012-03-30 22:18:15

This Probably Isn't Butter But It Tastes Like It!

Justice4243 · 2012-03-30 22:21:06

Key Food wins points for calling a spade a spade.

Ace Rimmer · 2012-03-31 06:24:52

What about:

The Real IRA, The Surreal IRA, The Provisional IRA, The Low Fat IRA, The Diet IRA or I can't believe its not the IRA?

Princess Alice · 2012-03-31 06:35:30

For some reason the first thing I noticed is that "Butter It's Not!' has the Fred Meyer logo but the packaging is otherwise identical to the Kroger brand.

I wonder if Kroger changes the logo on any of their other store brands...Fred Meyer seems to get Fred Meyer-branded items, but according to AU, King Soopers just gets everything "Kroger" brand.

Justice4243 · 2012-03-31 06:39:20

Freddies has a mix of both Kroger and Fred Meyer branded items. They don't seem particularly picky.

Princess Alice · 2012-03-31 06:44:24

Meanwhile, Kroger stores have everything Kroger brand. Which I guess makes sense, Kroger being their flagship chain and all.

For a while Kroger stores had "FMV"-branded items, but they tried to retcon it as standing for "For Maximum Value" instead of "Fred Meyer Value"...which I guess makes sense when you consider trademark issues; Kroger operates in several states (including this one) where Meijer (run, at the time, by the late Fred Meijer) sells Meijer-branded items.

Unknown · 2012-03-31 10:52:45

The user and all related content has been deleted.

Tre · 2012-03-31 11:58:48

Can anyone actually tell the difference between these and real butter?

Justice4243 · 2012-03-31 15:00:56

http://www.ochef.com/864.htm

"First of all, butter, of course, is made from cream, produced by cows, and by law in this country, has a butterfat content of at least 80%. There are some premium butters on the market with 81% up to 85% butterfat. Water, milk solids, and — often — salt make up the rest. The amount of salt in salted butter ranges from 1.5% to 3%."

"Margarine is made from a vegetable oil, although when it was developed in 1869 by Hippolyte Mèges-Mouriés in France, it was based on beef fat (suet) flavored with milk. Vegetable oils are liquid at room temperature, but a process called hydrogenation was developed in the early 1900s that makes them solid at room temperature. Most margarine today is made with corn oil or soybean oil.

Like butter, margarine is 80% fat and 20% water and solids, of which about 3% is salt. It is often flavored with skim milk or a synthetically produced chemical compound that mimics the flavor of butter. It is sometimes fortified with vitamins A and D to match the nutritional make-up of butter, and includes salt, artificial color, and preservatives."

Ombre_Morbide · 2012-03-31 15:04:21

Margarine was originally made from beef fat?

"How now, brown cow?", indeed.

lee4hmz · 2012-04-08 06:14:21

I remember when Move Over Butter came out, they actually ran commercials for it with a cow (?) singing its praises, for some reason.

Anonus · 2012-04-08 07:38:26

Well, King Soopers (and maybe City Market as well, IIRC) has King Soopers and/or City Market-branded bread products, at least. But most of its store-brand stuff is Kroger-branded.

Princess Alice · 2012-04-08 07:53:31

...That makes sense, actually. I'm sure they have at least one bakery in Colorado, so because their bread products for Colorado stores are being prepared locally they might as well package them with the local chain's name.

(As an aside, Kroger's Columbus bakery is right down the street from my school. Some days our entire campus smells like bread. Other days it's doughnuts.)

Tachyon · 2012-04-08 07:58:44

I was never clear on this - does ¬butter actually count as margarine, or is it something else altogether?

lee4hmz · 2012-04-08 08:32:05

Real butter is always made from churned cream and nothing else, at least in the US. Margarine can be anything that's relatively butter-like but isn't actually butter, and most of the time it applies specifically to stick margarine that's exactly like butter only made with vegetable fat. Spreads are a totally different animal and are closer to being a sauce than a margarine.

Tachyon · 2012-04-08 08:50:41

Ah, so that's what these are? "Spreads"?

lee4hmz · 2012-04-08 09:01:29

Yeah, spreads are much lower in fat than normal butter or margarine (some may not have much fat in them at all), and typically use various flavorings like buttermilk to make up for the lack of milkfat. The ones that are really low in fat will typically have warnings not to use them for baking or sauteeing, as they'll spoil the recipe.

ProfessorGator · 2012-04-08 09:01:54

I think so, yeah. Most of these are "70% vegetable oil," as it says on the packaging. I don't know how much oil stick margarine is made of off the top of my head, but I'm guessing it's a little less than that.

Ninja'd by someone who is more knowledgeable than I am about this.

Imipolex G · 2012-04-08 11:10:21

-Butter Churn post-

Unknown · 2012-04-08 12:45:21

The user and all related content has been deleted.

Imipolex G · 2012-04-08 12:53:36

a-yup

lee4hmz · 2012-04-08 22:03:52

MEIN BUTTAH CHURNAH IST GESTOLEN!

Icalasari · 2012-04-09 00:45:06

ITT: KJI

KJI · 2012-04-10 19:04:36

You rang?

Salix Babylonika · 2012-04-11 00:51:15

I can't believe it's working! Yes! YES! MORE MONEY! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

One-Winged Eagle · 2012-04-11 02:05:42

Reminds me of all the porn parodies wherein the titles all claim that they are "Not The X". Not The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Not Friends. Not The Flintstones.

PlutoniumFist · 2012-04-11 02:30:26

That seems...really lazy.

Misery · 2012-04-11 02:32:17

Yeah.

I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!

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