Let us never forget the two weirdest game reviews of all time

Comments

• Mandelbrot

  2017-06-03 12:54:00

  fight. dream. horse. love.

  i can't tell if the second one is a Dark Souls II review or a critique of the concept of video games itself
• Klinotaxis

  2017-06-03 13:50:24

  kill living beings
  

  #2 said:

  I hated the first Dark Souls and so I decided I should learn it better than any other game. I have spent between 300 and 400 hours playing it

  dude
• Klinotaxis

  2017-06-03 13:54:44

  kill living beings
  

  this is amazing, seriously. he should expand it into a novel
• Obā-san

  2017-06-03 14:32:38

  
  

  if I was straight I would have written these
• Odradek

  2017-06-03 14:44:32

  My dreams exceed my real life

  Tamlin said:

  if I was straight I would have written these

  Alternate universe straight Naney strikes again

  
  

  
  
• MetaFour

  2017-06-03 16:40:41

  For once, or maybe twice, I was in my prime.

  But if one lets that impenetrable writing scare them away, then they’ll miss the most revealing moment at the very end of the review: “I’ve listened to this album dozens of times, and every time, some brand new flaw jumps out at me, and I finish even more offended and disappointed than before.” You know, most ponies, when confronted with an album that distresses them so much, stop listening to it. And don’t tell me that you had to do it for your job, Mr. Ink—I only had to read your review three times to write this column, so there’s no reason a professional like you would need more exposure. Besides, there’s no point in suffering for your art if the result is witticisms like “pizzamoshbro garbage.”
• MetaFour

  2017-06-03 16:52:03

  For once, or maybe twice, I was in my prime.

  Michael Thomsen 3 years ago

  “Why do you even bother reviewing a game if you know you’ll hate it.” Cuz I was hoping I wouldn’t hate it. I’d count Demon’s Souls as one of my favorite games of all time or “best” to stick with the polemic, but, like Ulysses, it’s a sort of formal violation of its chosen medium that can’t be done twice. It’s a work beyond genre in a way, and beyond iteration.
• Bee

  2017-06-03 17:32:46 edited 2017-06-03 17:33:35

  A review isn't done for your own benefit, granted.  But there's no reason to sink 400 fucking hours into a 15 hour game (maybe 40 if you really suck at it).  The only people who should be playing the game that long are its own developers and QA.
• Klinotaxis

  2017-06-03 17:42:35

  kill living beings
  

  Ponies??
• Yarrun XIX

  2017-06-03 17:56:34

  Whores! we want "poems that kill."
  Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
  guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
  and take their weapons leaving them dead

  I can't believe he mentioned Skyrim and Dark Souls in the same sentence without breaking into laughter
• Bee

  2017-06-03 18:42:22

  Klinotaxis said:

  Ponies??

  Meta writes fanfiction with a decidedly art student bent.
• Odradek

  2017-06-03 20:34:38

  My dreams exceed my real life

  Mandelbrot said:

  i can't tell if the second one is a Dark Souls II review or a critique of the concept of video games itself

  I think he's the games critic version of Skipper Dan