Do not name any U.S. states

* Big New England state.  Splits EVs.
* The one New England swing state, that Lives Free Or Dies.
* State Bernie Sanders is from.  Has a law school that's the furthest distance from traffic lights.
* Home of Faneuil Hall which I can't spell.  Also home of an Institute of Technology, plus some red brick schoolhouse further up the Charles River.
* High population density.  Named for a geographic feature that it actually isn't because its formal name is actually much longer.
* State containing rich people in one corner and Yale University in another part.  Also Mystic Pizza.  Formerly contained one @glennmagusharvey.

* Contains a Big Apple, a Long Island, and half of a set of waterfalls, plus territory that people keep forgetting about.
* Stinks.  Corrupt.  People hate their politicians.  High population density.  Currently ruled by a douchebag who celebrates his re-election by clogging traffic.
* Metro areas on two sides, the Deep South (or more accurately, rural Appalachia) in between.
* First state.  Has a partly circular border.  Home of Joe Biden.
* Strangely-shaped, and contains Baltimore and suburbs of national capital city.
* Extremely populous norther section, southwestern part used to do coal mining, southeastern part has a naval base.  Contains a city with the cool name "Galax".

* Southern, except for the Research Triangle.
* Southern, except for...ehh, nah, they actually put the guy who visited his mistress in Argentina hiked the Appalachian Trail back into office.
* Home of Coca-Cola and Delta Air Lines, as well as some place called Alpharetta.  A guy marched to the ocean here and humiliated some people a while back.
* Home of the World's Worst Superhero.
* Contains Birmingham and Montgomery.  Electorally very racially polarized.
* Contains Jackson and Biloxi.  Electorally very racially polarized.
* Country music and Elvis Presley.
* Once elected a Grand Wizard.  Currently represented in the U.S. Senate by a diaper fetishist.  Gets hit hard by natural disasters (no, they are not divine punishment, in case you had to ask).
* Birthplace of Bill Clinton, even though that's not going to help Hillary Clinton win this state.
* State that thinks everything is large in said state.

* Strangely-shaped flag.  Home of a black engineer who invented the three-position traffic signal -- as well as of a good friend of ours who has a great appreciation for traffic signals herself.
* Auto racing and farming.
* Horse racing and farming.
* Contains a notable Springfield, but apparently this wasn't the inspiration for the one in The Simpsons.
* First-in-the-nation presidential caucus...and farming.  Best known for corn.
* An arch, and a major city named for a neighboring state.  Also some less-than-savory political controversies.
* Auto making.
* Cheese.  Also, both Bob LaFollette and Joe McCarthy, somehow.
* Lutherans, Lutefisk, and A Prairie Home Companion.  Also the Twin Cities.
* Actual location of Fargo.  Big recent oil boom until it stopped booming very shortly thereafter.
* Badlands, Mount Rushmore, and Native American lands.  Also some place called Edgemont.
* The other place that splits its EVs.  Also farming.
* What's the matter with this place?  Well, it used to bleed, for one...  Also farming.
* Used to be that Native Americans were shoved here because no one wanted to be here.  The place still sucks, and has a leader who denies climate change.  Also farming.

* Big Sky country.  Contains a city named Helena.
* Has even fewer people than Alaska, somehow.  Contains most of Yellowstone and Grand Teton, and various other notable landmarks.
* Home of the Mile-High City and also one of our good friends here.  Apparently it's a very healthy city to live in.  Also some other places like Fruita and Grand Junction, and an area with Dinosaur in its name.
* Has a body of water where it's easier to float than usual.  Also lots of sandstone arches.  And lots of people of a certain Christian denomination, who have a huge organ on which organ concerts are given regularly.  (You should attend one if you can.)
* The only state with no national parks, except for a tiny sliver of Yellowstone.  The butt of various jokes, considering that its name itself is a joke.  Formerly represented by someone who emphatically Is Not Gay And Has Never Been Gay.
* A large amount of nothing (or at least stuff we're not allowed to see), and then a ton of casinos in one corner.  People talk about stuffing nuclear waste at a site here, and geologists facepalm since the rock at the site is very, very fractured.
* Named after a neighboring country.
* Contains a Grand Canyon.

* Most populous state.  Contains Hollywood and Silicon Valley.  Also lots of east-Asian people.  And earthquakes.  They keep irrigating with groundwater which is a wholly unsustainable idea.
* Home of a weird city.  Also lots of wilderness, where some idiots tried to start shit recently.  Also apparently the actual Springfield that inspired The Simpsons's Springfield.
* Home of Microsoft, Valve, and Nintendo.
* Largest state by far, with second-smallest number of people.  Laughs at that other state that thinks it is large, but gets laughed at for a certain former governor who can see Russia from her house.
* Volcanoes, and people who significantly prefer to backwards-park.  (Apparently it lets them get out easier.)