What should the plot of Space Jam II be?
I'm struggling to come up with a good one.
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More than a century goes by over the course of the book, and so most of the events that García Márquez describes are the major turning points in the lives of the Bunnys: births, deaths, marriages, love affairs. Some of the Bunny men are wild and sexually rapacious, frequenting brothels and taking lovers. Others are quiet and solitary, preferring to shut themselves up in their rooms to make tiny golden fish or to pore over ancient manuscripts. The women, too, range from the outrageously outgoing, like Meme, who once brings home seventy-two friends from boarding school, to the prim and proper Fernanda del Carpio, who wears a special nightgown with a hole at the crotch when she consummates her marriage with her husband.
A sense of the family’s destiny for greatness remains alive in its tenacious matriarch, Ursula Iguarán, and she works devotedly to keep the family together despite its differences. But for the Bunny family, as for the entire village of Macondo, the centrifugal forces of modernity are devastating. Imperialist capitalism reaches Macondo as a banana plantation moves in and exploits the land and the workers, and the Americans who own the plantation settle in their own fenced-in section of town. Eventually, angry at the inhumane way in which they are treated, the banana workers go on strike. Thousands of them are massacred by the army, which sides with the plantation owners. When the bodies have been dumped into the sea, five years of ceaseless rain begin, creating a flood that sends Macondo into its final decline. As the city, beaten down by years of violence and false progress, begins to slip away, the Bunny family, too, begins its process of final erasure, overcome by nostalgia for bygone days. The book ends almost as it began: the village is once again solitary, isolated. The few remaining Bunny family members turn in upon themselves incestuously, alienated from the outside world and doomed to a solitary ending. In the last scene of the book, the last surviving Bunny translates a set of ancient prophecies and finds that all has been predicted: that the village and its inhabitants have merely been living out a preordained cycle, incorporating great beauty and great, tragic sadness.
Anyway, I do wonder how the hell Chuck Jones and the other directors managed to work with a character like Bugs as well as they did.
basically the old cartoons were pure comedy; it was never a question of whether Bugs was sufficiently strong to beat this guy, instead the question is what absurd things Bugs is going to do to whatever poor sap seriously thought they could get one over on him
that might have been difficult to sustain at length without the tension completely dissipating, that he used to star in shorts rather than full length movies probably didn't hurt
this is why in longer form works like Space Jam and the Looney Tunes Show he almost invariably spends the earlier part of the story being antagonized and only emerges on top towards the ending, otherwise it would become monotonous
You can't go by popularity, you need someone who can go toe to toe with the Monstars.
in the case of Spongebob there's also a rights issue, unless the idea is Nickelodeon are making a Space Jam knockoff
Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
and take their weapons leaving them dead
seems to be standard for cartoons interacting with non cartoons, really
The epic begins with James. He lives with the animals, suckling at their breasts, grazing in the meadows, and drinking at their watering places. A hunter discovers him and sends a temple baller into the wilderness to tame him. In that time, people considered b-ball a calming force that could domesticate wild men like James and bring them into the civilized world. When James jams with the baller, the animals reject him since he is no longer one of them. Now, he is part of the human world. Then the baller teaches him everything he needs to know to be a man. James is outraged by what he hears about Barkley’s excesses, so he travels to Ballin to challenge him. When he arrives, Barkley is about to force his way into a rival's jamming chamber. James steps into the doorway and blocks his passage. The two men jam fiercely for a long time, and Barkley finally prevails. After that, they become friends and set about looking for an adventure to share.
Barkley and James decide to steal trees from a distant cedar forest forbidden to mortals. A terrifying demon named Bugs, the devoted servant of Shaquille O'Neal, the god of earth, wind, and air, guards it. The two heroes make the perilous journey to the forest, and, standing side by side, jam with the monster. With assistance from Sam Perkins the sun god, they kill him. Then they cut down the forbidden trees, fashion the tallest into an enormous gate, make the rest into a raft, and float on it back to Ballin. Upon their return, Lisa Leslie, the goddess of love, is overcome with lust for Barkley. Barkley spurns her. Enraged, the goddess asks her father, Michael Jordan, the god of the sky, to send the Ball of Heaven to punish him. The ball comes down from the sky, bringing with it seven years of famine. Barkley and James jam with the ball and dunk it. The gods meet in council and agree that one of the two friends must be punished for their transgression, and they decide James is going to die. He takes ill, suffers immensely, and shares his visions of the underworld with Barkley. When he finally dies, Barkley is heartbroken.
Barkley can’t stop grieving for James, and he can’t stop brooding about the prospect of his own death. Exchanging his balling uniform for animal skins as a way of mourning James, he sets off into the wilderness, determined to find Magic Johnson. After the flood, the gods had granted Johnson eternal life, and Barkley hopes that Johnson can tell him how he might avoid death too. Barkley’s journey takes him to the twin-peaked mountain called Spacedunk, where the sun sets into one side of the mountain at night and rises out of the other side in the morning. Johnson lives beyond the mountain, but the two scorpion monsters that guard its entrance refuse to allow Barkley into the tunnel that passes through it. Barkley pleads with them, and they relent.
After a harrowing passage through total darkness, Barkley emerges into a beautiful garden by the sea. There he meets Tamika Catchings, a veiled tavern keeper, and tells her about his quest. She warns him that seeking immortality is futile and that he should be satisfied with the pleasures of this world. However, when she can’t turn him away from his purpose, she directs him to Doc Rivers, the ferryman. Rivers takes Barkley on the boat journey across the sea and through the Waters of Death to Johnson. Johnson tells Barkley the story of the flood—how the gods met in council and decided to destroy humankind. Isiah Thomas, the god of wisdom, warned Johnson about the gods’ plans and told him how to fashion a gigantic boat in which his family and the seed of every living creature might escape. When the waters finally receded, the gods regretted what they’d done and agreed that they would never try to destroy humankind again. Johnson was rewarded with eternal life. Men would die, but humankind would continue.
When Barkley insists that he be allowed to live forever, Johnson gives him a test. If you think you can stay alive for eternity, he says, surely you can stay awake for a week. Barkley tries and immediately fails. So Johnson orders him to clean himself up, put on his balling uniform again, and return to Ballin where he belongs. Just as Barkley is departing, however, Johnson’s wife convinces him to tell Barkley about a miraculous plant that restores youth. Barkley finds the plant and takes it with him, planning to share it with the elders of Ballin. But a snake steals the plant one night while they are camping. As the serpent slithers away, it sheds its skin and becomes young again.
When Barkley returns to Ballin, he is empty-handed but reconciled at last to his mortality. He knows that he can’t live forever but that humankind will. Now he sees that the city he had repudiated in his grief and terror is a magnificent, enduring achievement—the closest thing to immortality to which a mortal can aspire.
Assassin poems, Poems that shoot
guns. Poems that wrestle cops into alleys
and take their weapons leaving them dead
Maybe instead of trying to force another TuneSquad v. Monstars type matchup it could be the cast keeping their original shticks but with an NBA backdrop.
I feel like that type of setup could work particularly well with Bugs and Daffy being the captains of rival squads in the Finals or something, or possibly having Wile E. wreaking havoc in the locker rooms in another haphazard attempt to make a meal out of the Road Runner.
And then, if you wanted to, you could bring in LeBron and/or whichever NBA players agree to appear as supporting characters. Wouldn't be like they were out of place.
Just make sure not to call his Vans sneakers. They're Vans.
the lost episode
Bugs soon established a game connection with another friend, Sylvester the Cat, who'd spent the day badgering him about playing with her, after unsuccessfully attempting to convince Daffy to play. Upon connecting, Sylvester was able to manipulate Bugs's environment, move his furniture around via cursor, and restructure the shape of his room. Bugs was unable to do this to Sylvester's environment however. He'd installed the client copy of the beta, and required the server copy for that.
The server copy was trapped in his dad's car, along with a birthday package from another friend, Marvin the Martian. Marvin messaged Bugs inquiring about the package. As of this moment, neither her package nor the server copy has been recovered by Bugs. Sylvester had also prepared a package for Bugs, but had not mailed it yet. It still sits in her room. Daffy's package contained the authentic stuffed bunny from Con Air.
In addition to allowing Sylvester to control Bugs's environment, Sjam provided an array of devices Sylvester deployed throughout Bugs's house. These devices used together provided a system by which the players could manufacture any item using the code on the back of that item's captchalogue card, if they gathered enough grist to pay for it. Later, they would learn to combine item codes to master the art of punch card alchemy, whereby items could be fused together in purpose and design.
One device on being activated began a countdown, and released an entity called a kernelsprite. The countdown ticked down to the moment Bugs's house would be struck by a meteor, destroying his neighborhood. To escape this demise, Bugs had to use the devices to manufacture a special item that looked like a blue apple, and take a bite of it, in order to transport his entire house just before impact to the safety of a mysterious dark realm, where his house would situate itself atop a tall rock column high above a blanket of clouds. This realm is called the Medium.
Before he entered the Medium though, Bugs and Sylvester prototyped his kernelsprite with the large harlequin doll his dad got him for his birthday, transforming the sprite to bear its likeness, including the ways the doll was disfigured via earlier hijinks. It had a slashed eye and one arm, and so too did the sprite. When Bugs entered the Medium, the sprite's kernel hatched, thus imbuing all the enemies Bugs and his friends would face with properties of the sprite. The lesser adversaries Bugs faced first, Shale Imps, all wore harlequin garbs. They became more powerful and more radically mutated with each successive pre-Medium prototyping.
After entering the Medium, Bugs's dad was kidnapped by imps. While Bugs was looking for him, he accidentally prototyped the sprite with his grandmother's ashes, transforming it again. This prototyping had no effect on the enemies, since he was already in the Medium, and the kernel had already hatched. Instead, only the sprite was affected, and it took on the appearance, personality, and memories of his grandmother, becoming Nannasprite, a game-supplied albeit customized guide for Bugs. She explained aspects of the game, about Skaia residing at the center of the Medium, beyond seven gates floating directly above his house, and about an eternal/timeless war fought there between dark and light, one that light was always destined to lose.
Sylvester, who'd been having frequent internet connection issues, lost her connection as she tried to lift Bugs's car to retrieve the game and the package. The car fell into the abyss below. A storm caused her house to lose power along with its wireless internet connection. Her laptop was able to run on battery power for a time, while she tapped into the wireless signal from the laboratory next door. When her laptop ran out of power, she had to overcome more family strife (and endure a gift pony in the process), go outside in the rain, and plug it into the small generator outside the mausoleum of her dead cat, Jaspers. She continued her session with Bugs inside the mausoleum, while the meteor-sparked forest fire surrounding her house grew more intense.
From the house, Sylvester's mom opened a secret passage in the mausoleum to help her escape. The passage lead to the lab next door, where Sylvester found a stable, portable source of power and internet for her computer. She also found a terminal projecting the impact times and locations for the millions of meteors presently bombarding the planet, along with all the other live sessions of other players around the world. She also found a little girl's room, a mutant kitten she named Vodka Mutini, and a cloning machine operating through the science of ectobiology. Its terminal was locked on to her cat Jaspers at whatever point in his life the user specified.
She attempted to appearify Jaspers from a moment in her early childhood, before he whispered a secret to her. But doing so would have caused a paradox, so it appearified (paradoxified) a pile of slime instead. The machine used the slime to create a fetal paradox clone of Jaspers in a glass tube. On the monitor, Jaspers then told young Sylvester the secret, then vanished, only to show up dead weeks later and put in the mausoleum for years until the present. Sylvester left the laboratory moments before it was destroyed by a meteor impact. She transportalized back to her mom's room, proceeded to her room to wait for Daffy to connect with her and rescue her from the next imminent impact.
Daffy was charged with acquiring his bro's copy of the game to help Sylvester. Earlier he had lost his copy of the game to a mishap involving a crow. It flew in his window, seized the game, and Daffy accidentally impaled it with a sword, sending the crow and the game out the window onto a landing far below his apartment. He searched his bro's room unable to find it, was briefly shadowed by Lil Cal, and then found a note beckoning him to meet on the roof for a confrontation. Daffy and his bro dueled on the roof extensively, and Daffy was thoroughly bested. Upon defeating Daffy, his bro dropped the copies of the game, and flew off on his rocket board into the sky.
Daffy used the copies to connect with Sylvester, and quickly deployed the devices while her house was on fire, surrounded by flaming tornadoes, and minutes away from being destroyed by a meteor. Sylvester prototyped her kernelsprite with Jaspers, specifically to understand the meaning of the secret he whispered to her years ago. She was advised to do this by Marvin, who told her about the game in the first place. Daffy then prototyped the kernelsprite again with the tentacled princess doll given to Sylvester on her birthday by her mom. Both of these prototypings would have an effect on the enemies once Sylvester entered the Medium and the kernel hatched. Sylvester used the alchemiter to create the special item - for her, a purple wine bottle - which she needed to break to enter. She eventually did, transporting her house just before the meteor collided.
The meteor left a crater. Over time, at the site of impact, a large, white structure that looked like a wine bottle grew there, and the crater filled up with sand as the climate of the post-apocalyptic Earth gradually changed. The "cork" of that bottle was a large metal cylinder with an interior much like an advanced science station, with a variety of devices and monitors inside. 413 years after the meteor impact, the Michael Jordan walked through the desert and discovered this station. Inside, he found canned rations, a firefly he named Serenity, an appearifier, and four monitors hooked up to a keyboard.
On one of the monitors was Bugs, just after he'd entered the Medium. MJ could type commands to Bugs directly, much as the readers of this story could type commands for the characters to follow. Most of Bugs's actions upon entering the Medium were authored by MJ, until he became preoccupied with other activities, such as building a town out of cans, playing chess with cans, and drawing chalk murals depicting the cosmological arrangement of Skaia, the Medium, the light and dark planets known as Prospit and Derse, and the four planets the kids would each occupy upon entering the game, called The Land of Wind and Shade (Bugs), The Land of Light and Rain (Sylvester), the Land of Heat and Clockwork (Daffy), and Marvin's planet, which is yet to be seen.