ITT: Transcriptions of Penny Arcade strips about Jack Thompson

Odradek

{Jack is stood pointing. A message saying "Jack Thompson - Alarmist" is at the bottom. Interviewer off panel.}
Interviewer: {off panel} Jack Thompson, you've had harsh words for a videogame based on The Merch - but should we be equally concerned about the popular kids' series the game is based on?
Jack: They're both despicable. But science has shown us that it's one thing to watch The Merch fuck someone's dad, and another thing entirely to fuck that dad yourself while the controller shudders with each unwelcome thrust.

Panel 2

{Scene change. Scientist is holding a chart. Bobby has an encephalator on his head. The Fleshreaper is portrayed on an image in the background.}
Scientist: We've got Bobby here hooked up to the encephalator while he plays. Just look at these brain numbers. They're off the charts.

Panel 3

{Scene change. Robert is stood with his hands raised slightly. "Robert Guy - CEO Vapidsoft" written at bottom. Interviewer off panel.}
Interviewer: Do you think it's irresponsible to promote a game that forces players to murder children while they sleep, and collect their body torsos?
Robert: I think that the obscene financial rewards for my company far outweigh any dangers posed by creating a generation of brutal killing machines.

Odradek

{Gabe and Tycho are stood facing each other. Gabe is pointing to the cellphone he is holding.}
Gabe: The crazy fucker called me!
Tycho: So you talked to Jack Thompson? What did you say?

Panel 2

{Gabe puts his phone away and raises his hand to waist-level.}
Gabe: Well, I was curious. If somebody actually made his violent game, would he have to sue himself?
Tycho: And?

Panel 3

{Gabe lowers his hand.}
Gabe: And then he called me a pissant and hung up.
Tycho: Wow. He must be an incredible lawyer.

Odradek

Text: MORAL KOMBAT: Spencer Halpin's expose on Games and the Games Industry!

Panel 1

{Spencer addresses the readers.}
Spencer: Today's kids can't tell the difference between reality and the nightmare fantasy worlds woven around them by electronical gamings.

Panel 2

{Wii bowling is the backdrop for Joe Lieberman.}
Joe: Pretend violence is the gravest threat facing America.

Panel 3

{Katamari is the backdrop for Jack Thompson.}
Jack: People underestimate the real danger of videogames. Last week, a young man in Kansas rolled up his entire school. And this won't be the last one. I predict... Hold on a second, did you hear that Ambulance? I gotta go.

Odradek

{Two shot. Gabe is worried; he pounds his fist into his open palm. Tycho is behind him, bored.}
Gabe: I'm in trouble! Jack Thompson knows.
Tycho: He does?
Gabe: I don't know how he found out. I thought I'd been so careful.

Panel 2

{Another two shot. Tycho is surprised. Gabe is in the background tipping over a table lamp. With a click, Gabe descends into a shadowy basement.}
Gabe: In his latest lawsuit, Jack Thompson says we've been racketeering.
Tycho: And you are?
Gabe: Yeah. Every night. I fly around with my jetpack, and I fight Nazis.

Panel 3

{Gabe is now wearing a burnished metal helmet, obviously the same one used by The Rocketeer. Tycho is flashing a smug grin.}
Tycho: Oh, no. No. This is rocketeering. You're okay.
Gabe: But what about you? Do you racketeer at all?
Tycho: No. I'm more of a raconteur.

Sredni Vashtar

The Katamari joke was pretty funny, but xkcd did it better.

Hexartes

I wonder how many other issues facing gaming will look stupid in hindsight.

And it's not like Jack Thompson wasn't a threat; in the mid 2000s there really was a chance that gaming was one bad Supreme Court ruling away from being effectively gone; people like Jack Thompson were not helping matters and it makes sense that people were so bothered by him even if hindsight makes it seem like mountains out of molehills.

Hexartes

Also Thompson personally involved himself with the PA guys on many occasions so yeah it makes sense they'd talk about him.

Odradek

https://twitter.com/MomsAgainstGam

Sredni Vashtar

But at the same tame, Thompson was always a litigious crank with nothing but hysteria on his side, so his ultimate dismissal from the law profession is unsurprising in hindsight, even if the man looked like a threat. But then, litigious cranks can be damaging: Look at the Birthers and their Tea Party ilk.

Calica

is litigiousness really the reason that birtherism/tea party is dangerous though

like, i'm under the impression that all the birthers got laughed the fuck out of court, and they're mostly dangerous because they've gerrymandered all the state governments

Section42L

Frederic Wertham is another example of the damage that seemingly harmless cranks can do if given enough of an audience.

Mandelbrot

there's also the currently non-zero chance that 37 states could have health-care subsidies ripped away from them because of  a complete and utter travesty of a lawsuit.

Hexartes

Lilly said:

is litigiousness really the reason that birtherism/tea party is dangerous though

like, i'm under the impression that all the birthers got laughed the fuck out of court, and they're mostly dangerous because they've gerrymandered all the state governments

They're dangerous because they got noticed. Visibility is power, and they don't need power.

Sredni Vashtar said:

But at the same tame, Thompson was always a litigious crank with nothing but hysteria on his side, so his ultimate dismissal from the law profession is unsurprising in hindsight, even if the man looked like a threat. But then, litigious cranks can be damaging: Look at the Birthers and their Tea Party ilk.

And the hysteria was scary and threatening, because both liberals and conservatives got a piece of it. It was yet another piece of evidence that to most people games were alternately toys or porn, but never an art form.

Obā-san

ART IS DEAD

FUCK COMPOSE

FUCK MELODY

Odradek

naney said:

ART IS DEAD

FUCK COMPOSE

FUCK MELODY

nohaynicklibre

nohaynicklibre

I couldn't get it to loop right (Despair)

Klinotaxis

Mandelbrot said:

there's also the currently non-zero chance that 37 states could have health-care subsidies ripped away from them because of  a complete and utter travesty of a lawsuit.

not that i've been following that very closely, but i was under the impression people in e.g. Texas were already not getting health insurance on account of whatshisname being a prat.

Haven

Klinotaxis said:

Mandelbrot said:

there's also the currently non-zero chance that 37 states could have health-care subsidies ripped away from them because of  a complete and utter travesty of a lawsuit.

not that i've been following that very closely, but i was under the impression people in e.g. Texas were already not getting health insurance on account of whatshisname being a prat.

Perry, yeah.

The suit doesn't seem like it'll have much of a chance of success, because it hinges on the idea that the word "state" in a law can only mean "the state level of government", rather than the nation. But we've had some pretty nakedly partisan decisions from this court, and they were willing to say "this decision only applies to this specific issue" in Hobby Lobby, so who knows.

Klinotaxis

man that's still so amusing (dark humor etc.). these religious beliefs are the only ones that matter, because,